Statistically

Here's a snippet of a conversation I was having with my Dad this morning:

D: Powerball is up to $250 million. If you have an extra $20 you should play.

Me: People who win the lottery are usually unhappy. You want me to be unhappy?

D: Stupid people who win the lottery are unhappy. You'll be fine. Plus...

Me: Plus?

D: Well, you're statistically more likely to get attacked by a shark than win the lottery. But, if you manage to win the lottery, do you realize how statistically unlikely it is that you'd be attacked by a shark, too?

Me: Right, because those things are inversely proportional to one another?

D: You'd be bulletproof.

Me: Sign me up.

Anybody else going to be playing Powerball tonight?

One of These Days

One of these days, you will learn the difference between a shoulder to cry on and a punching bag. While I am always willing to be the former, I am not willing to be the latter anymore.

I get to matter.

You're not the only one who is disappointed.

As always, I'm here if you need me.

Mrs. The Husband

I got a birthday card from one of the husband's sisters today. It was addressed to "Mrs. The Husband"

Ugh. 

Really? Is this the 1950s?

I am not Mrs. The Husband.

Mrs. if you must, otherwise, it had better be me. 

Much love to the husband, but I'm not the little woman type. I don't fall in line and stand behind my man. My man can stand at my side or behind me!

Sigh. 

The husband just laughed when he saw the address label. He knows what's what.

Father's Day

I bought my grandfather, Poppie, a Father's Day card. It's very pretty and brown. It looks handmade with fancy paper and a ribbon on the front. It says "Love You, Grandpa" on the front.

It's too bad that I'm greeting card illiterate, otherwise I might have read the inscription before I bought it. It says:

You're a wonderful person grandfather,

a great person, 

and an inspiration to the family. 

Happy Father's Day

Just in case he didn't know it before, he's a wonderful person AND a great person. In a comma delimited list TOGETHER. 

Sigh.

I know he probably won't even notice. He's a sweet, darling man who will just be glad I sent him a card, but still, I would rather send him a card that didn't read like a raging, insipid moron wrote it. 

I guess most greeting cards sound that way anyway, so I probably didn't really move that far down the greeting card food chain. 

Quandary

When I was a kid, I asked my mother if it was better to be the kind of person who thought nice things and did good things or the kind who thought bad things, but usually did good things in spite of that. 

She thought for a moment and said it was better to think and do nice things.

I think about that occasionally, because I think the same thing now that I thought then.

I'm fucked. 

Just Dance

Last night, I went to see the Hubbard Street Dance with my mother. 

Parts of it were really good, entertaining and unique, for example, the last act was a mixture of Israeli folk music, techno and cha-cha that was very good. Parts of it just didn't gel quite right for me. I think the choreography didn't quite suit my taste like I wanted it to. 

I love dancing, in general. I like to dance. I like to watch dancers. As some background, when I was a kid, my mom was involved in an organization called 500, Inc. in Dallas. It's a non-profit organization for the arts. She was on the board of directors in charge of Education. I have spent more nights than you can possibly imagine attending plays, symphonies, musicals, dance performances, etc. 

One of my favorite things in the world is that feeling of anticipation, when the house lights go down, just before the stage curtain goes up. A feeling like anything in the world is possible and you may be witness to the tiniest bit of magic. 

When you see a good performance, it sticks with you. I could tell you, in detail, about some of my favorite performances, even the ones I saw when I was pretty young. 

When you see a good dance performance, in particular, it can be extremely soul-satisfying. In a mixture of awe and rapture, I think, 'Yes, that is what the human body is meant to do. That is the beauty and joy of this form.'

I think I wanted it to be just a little bit crisper, a little bit faster, a little bit more. 

Baby Girl

Today is my little sister's birthday... happy birthday, sissy.

My relationship with my sister has always been special. We have been to hell and back together. She is my best friend. She is the bane of my existence. Over time, our relationship has expanded and contracted. There have been times, when I thought it would collapse all together, but it never does. The thread that holds us together, the tie that binds, is unbreakable.

We are very different people, but somehow the same. I always say that we are opposite sides of the same coin. We're made of the same stuff, but our outlooks are radically different. In spite of all the difference, I have always loved her. Unconditionally. Not the fake "movies" kind either, the kind the is real, quiet and comes at great sacrifice. I cannot remember a time without her. I cannot imagine my life without her.

For better or worse, she has had a greater impact on my life and who I have become than anyone else I know.

A note for my sister:
You are beauty.
You are light.
I hope someday you are able to see all the good things in yourself that I see in you.
You are one of the funniest people I know. Especially in the quiet times, when it's just you and me and no else is around to question our warped sense of humor.
It is unfortunate, that eventually, we always drive each other crazy. We might fight like cats and dogs occasionally, but I always have your back. I'm looking out for you and would move heaven and earth to make things okay for you. It's what big sisters do.
It's been so exciting to watch you over the last year as you have so much enthusiasm for the direction your life has taken. I'm so proud of you.

I love you.
Happy Birthday, baby girl.

I Get It, but Really, It's Been 10 Years. Get Over It.

My mother called me tonight and warned me that my step-dad's kids are on the war path, you know, just in case they happen to spew in my general direction.

Here's the thing. I get it. I get why they would be angry. They erroneously believe that their dad loves me and my sister more than them. Which is just pure crap, but they seem disinclined to give their dad any slack. Their dad left their mom for my mom. They believe their dad chose my mom over them. 

The last reason, in my humble opinion, is the most important. Again, I get it. If Sis-C or I had forced the choice, we believe Mom would have chosen him over us. It stings.

The difference is that we got over it. We didn't force her to choose. We decided that we'd rather have our mother in our lives than to hold a grudge. We even accepted our step-dad into our lives. Which isn't to say there wasn't any fall out or that there wasn't any damage done. 

We have 10 years of memories to keep with us. We've had our ups and downs, like any family, but there have been plenty of good times over the last decade. They have nothing, but hurt feelings and anger.

It didn't have to be that way. Exhibit A: The other side of my family. We're the fucking Brady bunch. We get along. We love each other. Hell, we don't even use the whole "step" appellation with one another. We're family.

It makes me sad for his kids. We all make choices and we have to live with the consequences, for better or worse. I doubt they have ever considered the choices that they've made. It's so much easier to lay blame than to take responsibility.

Sigh. Thanks Dad?

What did we do for mr. blume that was once in a lifetime? For Christmas, my dad bought shirts for all the kids. They all had funny sayings on them.

These were ours. 

Yes. My shirt is pink and says "Cougar" on it. It also has a silhouette of a sexy woman holding a martini. 

I don't wear pink. I am NOT a cougar, thus, once in a lifetime. 

Oh, well. At least they are a matched set. 

Thanks D. 

Only one more day...

Only one more day of work and then I'm on vacation until the new year. Thank goodness!!

I was going crazy at work all day today. I was barely able to sit still or concentrate on anything. We had a deadline last Thursday and I'm completely uninterested in starting to work on something new. To my credit, I got little to nothing done today. 

I don't know why I'm so excited to be on vacation either. It must be the total euphoria of not having to be at work. I can tell you this, it's not because we have some plans that I'm looking forward to this week. 

Wednesday, we're driving up to stay with the husband's family through Saturday. I like the in-laws for the most part, but here's the thing, visiting them is boring. It's watching paint dry boring. I usually bring four or five books and make it through all of them while I'm there. I think his family must think I'm some sort of crazy bookworm because I'm constantly reading when I'm up there. 

For the most part, there's NOTHING else to do. 

Plus, there is Country Roads.

I hate Country Roads, with a passion. Country Roads is the local diner where the husband's parents live. His parent's LOVE that place. We usually eat up there at least twice when we visit. 

What's so bad about this local diner, you ask?

It's not the food. While nothing to write home about, it's not the worst stuff I've ever had either. 

It's not the atmosphere. CR is clean and well-lit. 

It's the fact that the husband's parents are completely content to sit around CR and gossip with all the locals for HOURS! I'm sorry, but breakfast is not a 3 hour event! 

The last few times we've been up to visit, I've made the husband drive separate so we can leave. I love his parents, but sometimes enough is too much. 

Yet, I'm still completely jazzed to be done with work after tomorrow. Doesn't say a lot for my job at the moment, does it?

Materialism?

Christmas, according to my television, is all about presents and rampant consumerism. 

A lot of people seem to get caught up in this holiday for all the wrong reasons. And by all the wrong reasons, I don't really mean the presents. Like most things in life, it's not the thing itself, it's the idea behind the thing that usually gets off course. 

I was reading a blog this morning and I couldn't help but think, really that is what's wrong with Christmas. Kids making their mother buy back the gift cards she got for them? Are you kidding me? 

Maybe it's just me. For me, gift giving is an act of love. The gift itself isn't the point. It's the fact that I spent time, effort and money on you. (The money being the least important component.) I thought about you. I thought about what you like. I thought about what you would like. I thought about how I feel about you and what you mean to me. 

When I get a gift from you, I hope that you've done the same. 

When I talk to people about this holiday, so many people are just focused on getting everyone on their lists checked off. I know, I feel the pressure too. But, if you can, just take a moment and think about why those people are on your list at all. 

It's a lean year. The husband and I spent less on Christmas this year, than we have for many, many years, but we didn't skimp out on the important part.

What brought all this on?

I came home tonight and found a box of apples and pears from my grandfather. It made me smile. Heck, it almost made me cry. 

He was thinking about me.

Love Actually

The husband and I watched Love Actually this evening.

I am just chock full of the kind of warm, fuzzies that this movie always gives me.

At this moment, I love puppies and rainbows and babies... and I love, love this movie. 

The music is amazing.

Emma Thompson is brilliant, as per usual for her.

Wisconsin girls (for once) are skewed towards being portrayed as hotties.

"Kids, don't buy drugs. Become a pop star and they give them to you for free." - Billy Mack

"To me, you are perfect..." - Mark

 

Sigh. 

Did I mention I love this movie?

There is only one problem with it and it bothers me every time I watch. 

Sarah's (Laura Linney) story. 

I get it; she loves her brother.

I love my siblings. 

I even have a certain amount of experience with sacrificing a piece of your own happiness for that of your siblings. 

I might help them cover up a murder. I would definitely take in their crack babies. 

But, if I had the opportunity to sleep with a man I had secretly been in love with for 2 years 7 months 3 days and 2 hours, then I would shut my cell phone off.

Their problems would still be there when we're done, right?

So, what's the harm?

I don't mean to burst your bubble if you thought otherwise, but there you have it. 

Thankful

In honor of the day and to spread a little good karma around, here are a few things I am thankful for:

1. Our home loan

Sometimes it takes my breath away to think how close the husband and I came to being caught up in the current housing crisis. Buying a house is hard and confusing. We made a lot of mistakes when we were buying our house, but the one mistake we didn't make was taking out an ARM (adjustable rate mortgage) on the house. Our loans are fixed rate, which we decided on because I am suspicious of anything that is "adjustable." Looking back, it could have so easily gone the other way. 

I'm thankful to have a home that I can afford to pay for. 

2. My job

Times are hard economically. People are being laid off. Jobs are hard to come by. Good jobs are even harder to find. My job is not my passion. It isn't something I ever thought I would do. That being said, it's a good job. I'm good at it. It's a job that makes use of a lot of my natural talents and gives me an outlet for some things I really enjoy doing. It's stable. 

I'm thankful to have a job I can count on. 

3. My Gym

I don't know what I would do without the gym. I don't know what I did before the gym. There are so many benefits. It relieves stress. It's part of living a healthy lifestyle. It makes me feel good about myself. All of the ladies at the front desk know me at the gym. I think if the husband ever tries to do away with me and cover up my murder, the ladies at the gym will be the first to notice and alert the police. 

I'm thankful for my gym and everything that goes with it.

4. My iPod

I love my iPod. I've told the husband on several occasions that if anything happens to it, that we will have to find the money to replace it because I'm not going back to an iPod-less life. It has introduced me to so many new songs and artists. It entertains me on the way to work. It helps me block out my co-workers. It keeps my ass moving on the treadmill. 

I'm thankful for my little red buddy. 

5. My co-workers

I know. I should be grateful for my family and friends before I'm thankful for my co-workers, but frankly I spend 40+ hours with them every week. They have the ability to make my life miserable. The great thing is that they don't. The Saint shares my workload. FancyTalker is helpful and makes me laugh. GameBoy listens to me and is a good collaborator. JR just plain old rocks. Even the Hammer is supportive and a good co-worker. 

I'm thankful for the people who hang with me in the trenches. 

6. My sisters

It's strange. Sis-C is nothing like Sist-A, and yet they are two of the closest people to me. I have always said that Sis-C and I are different sides of the same coin. We are so different in our tastes and outlooks, but at our core we are much the same. She knows me better than anyone else. It's good that we have each other, because there are very few people who get the jokes we have for one another. Sist-A, on the other hand, is my little grasshopper. It's often strange and eerie how much we have in common. We've really gotten to spend more time with one another this year and grown a lot closer, which makes me really happy. 

I'm thankful for two awesome ladies who I love very, very much.

7. My dogs

My dogs make me happy. They are sweet, loving and cuddly. There is not a mean bone in any of their furry little bodies. They are naughty and spirited. They trust me to take care of them. All they require from me is food, water, being taken out and a few belly scratches. I adore my rotten angels. 

I'm thankful for my doggies who give so much and expect so little in return. 

8. My friends

I pay attention to people. Some people find it disconcerting because I pay attention when people talk and I notice what they do and remember what they say. So, when I say that all my friends are really good people in their own way, I mean it. I'm not just saying that because we are friends. There are these little moments when they do something kind or sweet or generous and it makes my heart melt, just a little bit. 

I'm thankful that a really great group of people continues to hang out with the likes of me. 

9. My family

My grandfather sends me cards every so often because I send him cards every so often. They kind of break my heart. He is really trying to make an effort because he wants me to know that he appreciates the effort I'm making. My dad is brave, taking on a new mortgage and a new business in unsure economic times and to my knowledge hasn't had a complete melt down about it. My step mom is always taking care of everybody but herself. My mum is supportive, always. 

I'm thankful for these people were in my life by fate, and are in my life by choice.

10. The husband

Always the husband. My playmate and partner, I never appreciate you as much as I should. We've been together so long sometimes I forget what it's like to see you. I'm really a terrible wife and marrying me is not evidence of good decision making on your part. Yet, for whatever reason, you seem to love me anyway. Sucker. You're stuck with me now. 

For what it's worth, I'm thankful for the husband, who I love endlessly. 

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours! 

Quantum of Solace

I went to see Quantum of Solace today with the fam. 

The fam minus the husband who due to his drinking and staying up late last night, spent the entire day curled up in a fetal position in a darkened room. Wuss. 

The intelligent, empowered 21st century feminist in me thinks I shouldn't really like 007 movies. They are kind of misogynistic, especially the old ones. 

The rest of me tells her to shut the hell up for the following reasons:

1. My dad and I used to watch 007 movies together on cable when I was a kid. I can't hate on something we bonded over. 

2. I like action movies. 

In true American style, blow some shit up, drive fast cars, boats and/or planes, shoot some bad guys and I'm entertained for a few hours... as long as the plot line isn't incredibly stupid. (The part after the ... is just my caveat, unfortunately it doesn't seem to be the general rule)

3. I like 007 movies. 

The lame one-liners, the gadgets, the fast, gorgeous cars, the fast, gorgeous women. There's a certain tradition there that I dig. 

4. Daniel Craig is a smokin' piece of man flesh. The man knows how to wear a suit. Plus, the striking blue eyes. Plus, the gritty realism vibe of the last two Bond movies all makes for a very attractive package. All due respect to Sean Connery, but Daniel Craig is my favorite Bond, definitely of my lifetime, possibly ever. 

I'm pretty sure I would show up to watch him read the phone book. 

These Pictures Made My Day

Arrrrgh!!

Quaker Steak and Lube: The Affordable Choice

The husband went golfing last year with the KhakiRepublican, among others, at some tournament. He ended up getting a $100 gift certificate to Quaker Steak and Lube.

Last night, before the Badger hockey game, we went to the QS&L with Sist-A and the KR.

Between the four of us, including an appetizer and entrees we only spent about 1/2 of our gift certificate. 

AND the food was pretty good. Or at least mine was, and it was not unhealthy. 

Hmm... who knew the Quaker Steak and Lube was such an affordable option?

P.S. Thanks to the golfing tournament for a gift certificate that will cover the greater part of two meals for 4

I Hate Pumpkin Carving

A couple of weeks ago I had the great idea to carve some pumpkins for Halloween.
What a terrible idea!
Carving a pumpkin is hard, boring and messy!

Plus, I am terrible at it. 

See my wonky-eyed cat below. 

The vines are all wrong, I stopped following the pattern on them after a while. I tried to carve poor kitty's whiskers, but they were too delicate and I ended knocking them off.  

I guess I can be satisfied that it (kind of) looks like a cat.

The husband said that he could tell it was a cat once he knew it was supposed to be a cat. 

Who could ask for a better endorsement?

Sist-A isn't a much better carver than I am (although the husband might disagree with me on that, as he seemed to love her pumpkin yesterday). She did pretty well on the spider, but ended up breaking the web since she carved from the outside-in. 

The level listed in our pattern books were from 1 to 4 pumpkins of difficulty. 

We chose 2 pumpkin designs. 

Thank goodness!

I'd probably still be carving if we had chosen any of the harder designs. 

We thought pumpkin carving wouldn't be so bad that we could handle a little more complexity.

We were wrong!

We are not level 2 pumpkin carvers.

Back to the remedial class for us. 

Oh well, I don't actually plan on doing this again. 

I can't believe I've actually done this before and thought this would be fun.

Pumpkin carving does suck, but the whole day wasn't a loss. 

The eating samples at Brennan's and taking home fancy salsa and chips part of the day was fun. (Next time, I'll skip the pumpkin carving and go straight to the chips and salsa part of the day) 

If I ever mention that I'm planning to carve pumpkins in the future, can someone please remind me of this? And if (and only if) I persist, could you possibly slap some sense into me?

Oh Playmate, come out and play with me

I was watching the Addams Family at the gym yesterday when I heard a song that my mom used to sing to us when my sister and I were little. 

It's kind of creepy in the context of that particular movie, but it made me all nostalgic. 

I had forgotten that song even existed. 

It's a bizarre form of delight to discover, somewhere buried in the cobwebs of my mind, memories of things I used to love. 

Here are the lyrics:

Oh playmate, come out and play with me

And bring your dollies three,

Climb up my apple tree.

Slide down my rain barrel,

Climb up my cellar door,

And we'll be jolly friends 

Forever more, more, more.

Oh playmate, I cannot play with you,

My dollie's got the flu,

Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo

Ain't got no rain barrel,

Ain't got no cellar door,

But, we'll be jolly friends,

Forever more, more, more.

FreshMeat

I met my sister's boyfriend this weekend.
He was unfailingly polite, charming and funny the entire time I spent with him.
Of course, in the end, it doesn't matter what I think of him. My policy regarding sibling relationships remains the same.

As long as they are good to my sibs, then I don't care if they are assholes (or let's say Republicans :)) I'm still going to make the effort to get along with them and be nice (enough... as much as I'm able to be "nice" to anyone I guess). If you aren't good to them, you will only be around in spite of my best efforts, so good luck with that.
Oh yeah, and I may like you and get along with you, but that doesn't mean you are good enough for my sibs. Ever.

That being said, Sis-C's boy did manage to impress me. (Not that easy to do)

We were talking about going to the gym and manly muscles.

Me: You've seen what these guns can do in the Middle East. Now you're going to see what they can do in the ring.
FreshMeat: The Best of Chris Farley Saturday Night Live is one of those DVDs everybody should own.
Me: Wha?? Exactly!!

That's right. He is familiar enough with Chris Farley to identify it out of nowhere.
Maybe that shouldn't impress me, but somehow it does.
I'm pretty jazzed that there is a chance I might actually like this one, unlike DoucheBag, the last dude Sis-C dated.

No, Regis, that's not my final answer, but it's my best guess thus far.

Welcome Miao!

Meet Miao. The husband won him for me at Cheese Days. He's a seal with a sadly askew bow tie. Also, he meows instead of barking like other seals. He may or may not be from the Jiangsu coast in China.

Likes: Pickles and sunshine
Dislikes: People who talk on their cell phones at the gym

Well, another Cheese Days has come and gone. I didn't see anyone with a tail this year, but don't think that all my enjoyment of this event was contingent upon seeing someone wearing a tail, because it wasn't.

There was tons of good cheese for tasting. I bought a jalapeno Havarti and an aged Swiss... yum, yum, yum.

There was tons of good food in general. I had funnel cake for the first time. Mmmm... tastes like doughnuts. Ice cream, root beer, cheesecake on a stick, nachos, corn dogs, and corn on the cob. Sist-A in particular was lovin on the corn on the cob. Really loving on the corn cob. :) You wouldn't believe me even if I told you.

There was so, so much more. But, I think you might have needed to be there to really understand. Long live Cheese Days!