A LIttle Help From My Friends

I've been sick this week. Trivia last weekend must have gotten to me. On Tuesday, I thought I was just still tired and spring allergies were acting up. By Wednesday, I was kind of miserable.

I tried to go to work this morning. Steph and I were supposed to teach a class all day today together. I didn't want to leave her hanging.

J-boy texted me and asked how I was feeling this morning. I told him I felt like suck.

Two minutes later I got a phone call from the Saint.

It went a lot like this:

Saint: You need to go home.

Me: I'm okay...

Saint: You sound terrible. Go home.

Me: I'm not planning on staying all day...

Saint: I can be there in 15 minutes to drive for Steph.

Me: Actually, I was planning to teach my part this morning...

Saint: Do you hate yourself? Go home. I'll be there in 15 minutes.

Me: Ok, mom.

There is no arguing with the Saint. She orders you home, you go home.

The Saint helped out with the class in the morning and J-boy helped in the afternoon. It's nice that there are people I can count on to pick up the slack so I can stay home and be miserable in peace.

Writing this blog was taxing. I'm going to go lay down now.

Juice Guy

My employer provides free juice, milk and popcorn and the people in this building go through like green tea like it's going out of style. So, there are about 10 jugs of Green Tea sitting out in the break room, I assume because they didn't fit in the refrigerator.

The note accompanying the jugs reads:

These jugs are fine to sit out. The tea will not spoil.

Thanks,
Juice Guy

I pretty much love that he signed the note "Juice Guy"
It makes sense. If he had signed his name, I would have thought, "who the hell is that?"

Still, awesome!

Breaking Bad News with Baby Animals

After the Staff meeting today, Fargo came by my cubicle. Fargo's a pretty cool guy, but usually he only drops by to discuss business. Not today. Today was my lucky day.

He brought by a postcard book called "Breaking Bad News with Baby Animals"

This is fucking brilliant! Beware baby animals from now on people, because from this point onward, I'm breaking all my bad news with a baby animal.

Who could be upset by receiving a postcard saying "You don't matter", when it's accompanied by a little kitten? Mew. Mew.

"You're not the father", when it's accompanied by two adorable little ducklings?

Is there any bad news that can't be counteracted with the cuteness of baby animals?

One of my favorites was a bulldog puppy that says "You were a mistake" Fargo and I discussed sending that one through interoffice mail to a co-worker who really gets on our nerves and signing it "XOXO Love, Mom"

Of course since neither of us particularly wants to get fired, we're not going to do that. Um, it might be a little mean too. Especially since that particular dude isn't very bright, he might not realize it wasn't from his momma. Ha!

(That dachshund is so adorable, even if he does seem a little creepy pimpin' with that caption)

I seem to be writing about correspondence a lot lately.

What can I say? I like written correspondence. It's unfortunate for you that you'll never know if I'm going to pick you up or slap you down.

Am I going to tell you you're terrific or that I'm banging your wife?

It's like a mini-mystery in every envelope.

I like to think that it takes a lot of talent to make the mail scary.

That's Super.

Today, I team taught a class for work. I taught the class with J.J., the self-proclaimed "third funniest person at {company where I work}". 

We're required, as instructors, to hand out reviews so that all the shiny, pretty people taking our class can give us feedback. 

From one girl in particular, J.J.'s feedback was, "funny, very informative"

My feedback from the same girl, "super funny, very helpful"

J.J. was a little distraught about this "super" business. 

It was a momentary setback though as he quickly decided that it was simply possible that I was the "first or second funniest person at {company where I work}". 

Doesn't bode very well for my company. 

So, I got that going for me, which is nice. 

My New Bunny

Remember this?

That's right, it's the bunny eating a cookie that makes me laugh. I've got a new "bunny with a cookie", by which I mean something that I laugh about every time I think about it and I keep thinking that I'm going to get over it and the next time I think about it, it won't make me laugh, so I keep testing it and so far, still laughing.

My New Bunny

At work, we have weekly meetings between myself, the Saint, the Queen of All (aka my boss) and Fargo (the lone boy in our group of misfits). We talk about how it's going, what we're working on and any complaints or awesome stuff that's happened. Mostly.

Sometimes, we gossip. Sometimes.

Fargo: I wonder when S is supposed to be due?

(S is the head of our division)

The Saint & myself: S is pregnant?
Queen of All: <>

The Saint: Are you sure?

Fargo: Either she's pregnant, or she got really fat in one particular area. Seriously, she's either pregnant or it's time for Weight Watchers!

The Saint: -gasp-

(Can you tell who the nice one is in our group?)

The Saint: Have her boobs gotten any bigger?

(Being nice doesn't preclude you from asking the practical question.)

We all turn to Fargo, who gives us a blank stare in return that I take to mean, either he hasn't noticed, hasn't looked or doesn't want to admit that he has noticed or looked.

Queen of All: Well, she did just get married not that long ago. She had 1200 people at her wedding.

Me: I guess it's possible she got married and just decided to let herself go. I don't know how you can tell she's got a belly. She's always wearing a sari when I see her lately.

Fargo: Well yeah, if she's pregnant she's going to be wearing looser clothes.

Queen of All: Yeah, but I saw her bend over last week. If you're pregnant and you bend over, you can't just bend in half. The baby doesn't bend, right?

We all look to the Saint, since she's the only one of us who has been pregnant.

The Saint: Well, the baby doesn't really bend.

Me: Well I can't say really, I've never had the occasion to see S bend over and I don't know that I would have noticed if she had.

Fargo: I see S a lot. I'll have to pay attention if she bends over.

Me: Really? You're going follow S around and watch if she bends over?

The rest of us starting laughing hysterically while Fargo turned bright red and stammered that that was not what he meant AT ALL for a few minutes.

Later that day, I was at the gym and I was kind of in a pissy mood for no particular reason. I randomly thought about Fargo following S around waiting for her to bend over and I laughed. Out loud. At the gym.

It's possible that the people there think I'm insane now, laughing to myself (if they didn't already), but what do they know?

I've got a new bunny.

Sunburnt

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

The title of this exhibit is "I am an idiot."

Today, I had my weekly meeting with my semi-new team lead, the Queen of All (QoA). It was a gorgeous day, so we decided to have the meeting outside. I sort of remembered that I hadn't put any sunblock on my arms, but since the meeting was only supposed to be a half-hour I didn't really think anything of it. 

I am an idiot.

It was just the two of us since everyone else is out this week and we ended up chatting for a really long time. About an hour and a half really long time. 

At some point, I knew I was getting burnt, and I still didn't manage to get out of the sun. 

Why? Why would I be so fucking stupid and allow my arms to turn an attractive lobster red?

Because I am incapable of ending a conversation. I have no idea how to get out of a conversation that I want to be over. It's sort of a chronic problem. I have no concept of the graceful exit. 

It fucking sucks. And (I hope!) I've learned my lesson. I don't care if I'm forced to use my fall back plan (the awkward exit) it's not worth getting sunburned. I'm 28 years old and I need to figure out how to end a fucking conversation when I want to, awkward or otherwise. 

It should be noted, it wasn't so much that I wanted to be done talking to the QoA, so much as I wanted our conversation to be in the shade.

Sigh.

I am an idiot.

Ouch. Aloe anybody?

Ooch!

GameBoy brought in brownies for our team meeting today. They were delicious. Normally, I'm not a fan of walnuts in brownies, but these were truly excellent.

I was interrogating him about it after the meeting and apparently this was his first time baking. Ever! Color me impressed.

Why did he make brownies?
His girlfriend's present isn't going to arrive in time for her birthday, so he baked her some brownies and he brought us the extras. Can I get an 'awww'? That is so sweet. I've never seen this side of him before. Usually he's all Viking camp, martial arts and video games.

The downside is that I don't normally eat brownies at 9AM, so my stomach is sort of annoyed with me for filling it up with chocolate and processed sugar instead of yogurt. As good as it was, eating it was a bad idea. My stomach hurts. Boo.

Bunnies

I've been working like crazy lately, and all has not been sunshine and giggles.
People, equipment, time lines and poor decision making has been making me all kinds of crazy... even more than usual.

As some of you know, I test software for a living. So, I was testing to make sure we could print out images correctly today and this was one of the images I used:

I have no idea why, but it makes me want to laugh every time I look at it.

So, as it turns out, the difference between a day where I want to maim everyone that comes in a 5 ft radius of me and a day when I don't, is a bunny eating a cookie.

Seriously though, it's kind of adorable, right?
Just me?
I'm okay with that.

You Know It's Bad When

Things have been kind of crazy at work lately. They dropped a last minute project on our laps, in addition to our regular workload all due next Thursday. Boo.

The Saint is my counterpart in this crazy mess. She is one of the nicest people I have ever known and very quiet. She usually cajoles the developers into doing what she wants with a sweet little smile. 

So, this dude emailed me a question he should have known the answer to. In general, I'm all for people asking questions and I'm not one to judge people for not knowing something if they have an interest in learning. However, this dude teaches other people how to use the specific part of the software that the Saint and I work on. He should have known the answer. 

I showed the Saint the email without saying anything about it. (Note: We often sanity check one another before responding to other people)

Her response? 

"I can't believe he sent you this. Jackass."

I don't know if you had to be there and know the Saint to know how fucking awesome that is. I've never heard her curse before. It totally made my day.

Maybe I should be worried. I might be rubbing off on the Saint.

All the cool kids have their names embroidered on their black belts in Japanese...

"...and I want to be one of the cool kids." - GameBoy.

My response- "Me too."

GameBoy was explaining to me why he was photo copying his certificate of accomplishment from his dojo. They needed his name in Japanese to embroider on his black belt, you see.

These are the kind of conversations you get to have when you work at a tech company with software developers.

What?? Shut up!
You know you wish you were one of the cool kids, too.

Goodbye, English Rose

Things are a-changin' at my place of employment.
I have worked there for 4 years and 5 months.
For the last 4 years and 4 months, the Hammer has been my fearless leader.
We've been through our ups and our downs.
He used to really, really get on my nerves sometimes. Especially in the beginning when he was just figuring out the whole leadership thing.
Over the years, we've gotten used to one another. He knows my strengths and weaknesses and I know his. I know when to take him seriously and when he's being unintentionally offensive.

The Hammer isn't going away. He's still going to be a fearless leader, just not my fearless leader.

It's hard to know if this is a good change or a bad change. Maybe it's neither, maybe it's just plain old change. We'll see.

Goodbye, Hammer. We had a good run. See ya around the office.

Thankful

In honor of the day and to spread a little good karma around, here are a few things I am thankful for:

1. Our home loan

Sometimes it takes my breath away to think how close the husband and I came to being caught up in the current housing crisis. Buying a house is hard and confusing. We made a lot of mistakes when we were buying our house, but the one mistake we didn't make was taking out an ARM (adjustable rate mortgage) on the house. Our loans are fixed rate, which we decided on because I am suspicious of anything that is "adjustable." Looking back, it could have so easily gone the other way. 

I'm thankful to have a home that I can afford to pay for. 

2. My job

Times are hard economically. People are being laid off. Jobs are hard to come by. Good jobs are even harder to find. My job is not my passion. It isn't something I ever thought I would do. That being said, it's a good job. I'm good at it. It's a job that makes use of a lot of my natural talents and gives me an outlet for some things I really enjoy doing. It's stable. 

I'm thankful to have a job I can count on. 

3. My Gym

I don't know what I would do without the gym. I don't know what I did before the gym. There are so many benefits. It relieves stress. It's part of living a healthy lifestyle. It makes me feel good about myself. All of the ladies at the front desk know me at the gym. I think if the husband ever tries to do away with me and cover up my murder, the ladies at the gym will be the first to notice and alert the police. 

I'm thankful for my gym and everything that goes with it.

4. My iPod

I love my iPod. I've told the husband on several occasions that if anything happens to it, that we will have to find the money to replace it because I'm not going back to an iPod-less life. It has introduced me to so many new songs and artists. It entertains me on the way to work. It helps me block out my co-workers. It keeps my ass moving on the treadmill. 

I'm thankful for my little red buddy. 

5. My co-workers

I know. I should be grateful for my family and friends before I'm thankful for my co-workers, but frankly I spend 40+ hours with them every week. They have the ability to make my life miserable. The great thing is that they don't. The Saint shares my workload. FancyTalker is helpful and makes me laugh. GameBoy listens to me and is a good collaborator. JR just plain old rocks. Even the Hammer is supportive and a good co-worker. 

I'm thankful for the people who hang with me in the trenches. 

6. My sisters

It's strange. Sis-C is nothing like Sist-A, and yet they are two of the closest people to me. I have always said that Sis-C and I are different sides of the same coin. We are so different in our tastes and outlooks, but at our core we are much the same. She knows me better than anyone else. It's good that we have each other, because there are very few people who get the jokes we have for one another. Sist-A, on the other hand, is my little grasshopper. It's often strange and eerie how much we have in common. We've really gotten to spend more time with one another this year and grown a lot closer, which makes me really happy. 

I'm thankful for two awesome ladies who I love very, very much.

7. My dogs

My dogs make me happy. They are sweet, loving and cuddly. There is not a mean bone in any of their furry little bodies. They are naughty and spirited. They trust me to take care of them. All they require from me is food, water, being taken out and a few belly scratches. I adore my rotten angels. 

I'm thankful for my doggies who give so much and expect so little in return. 

8. My friends

I pay attention to people. Some people find it disconcerting because I pay attention when people talk and I notice what they do and remember what they say. So, when I say that all my friends are really good people in their own way, I mean it. I'm not just saying that because we are friends. There are these little moments when they do something kind or sweet or generous and it makes my heart melt, just a little bit. 

I'm thankful that a really great group of people continues to hang out with the likes of me. 

9. My family

My grandfather sends me cards every so often because I send him cards every so often. They kind of break my heart. He is really trying to make an effort because he wants me to know that he appreciates the effort I'm making. My dad is brave, taking on a new mortgage and a new business in unsure economic times and to my knowledge hasn't had a complete melt down about it. My step mom is always taking care of everybody but herself. My mum is supportive, always. 

I'm thankful for these people were in my life by fate, and are in my life by choice.

10. The husband

Always the husband. My playmate and partner, I never appreciate you as much as I should. We've been together so long sometimes I forget what it's like to see you. I'm really a terrible wife and marrying me is not evidence of good decision making on your part. Yet, for whatever reason, you seem to love me anyway. Sucker. You're stuck with me now. 

For what it's worth, I'm thankful for the husband, who I love endlessly. 

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours! 

The Hammer

Forget anything negative I have ever said about the Hammer.
I officially love that guy.
It's good to know that although other people may blow, he's got my back.

I've always said loyalty and respect are earned; you don't give them away as party favors.
Well, now the Hammer has both.

Good Cop, Bad Cop

I realized today that we do this a lot at work, use the good cop/bad cop angle. 

I am always the bad cop. 

I'm not sure how I feel about that. 

I'm Awesome

I had my four year review today at work.
As it turns out, I'm awesome. A-W-E-S-O-M-E.

My boss, the Hammer (I'd explain the nickname, but you wouldn't think it's as funny as we do at work... it's a nerd thang, y'all), said he wouldn't trade me for anybody else. He said I am one of the top people in my role at the company.
Boo-yah!

Let's be clear, the Hammer does not hand out compliments lightly. In fact, usually not at all.
About once a year, I get a "nice job with that."
Today I got not just one, but two compliments!! AND they were pretty damn good compliments at that!

Plus, in the actual written review he said nice things about me there, too, but they were more task specific compliments and thus difficult for me to translate to you.
It was a little bit of a head rush.

Reviews make me nervous. I'm always afraid that I'm going to be blind-sided by something horrible, so it's always a relief when they go well.
It made for a pleasant interruption, but it's back to our regularly scheduled programming for me.

YELLING

I was grading a project today at work and I was sort of annoyed with the young lad that did the project.

All his lists were in ALL CAPS. ALL OF THEM! IT'S LIKE THE LITTLE SHIT WAS YELLING AT ME. SEE HOW ANNOYING THAT IS?

Is it wrong that I really wanted to find reasons to take points off his project because he was yelling at me?

Little cocksucker that he was, only got 4 points off. Damn him.
Damn me and my fair, forgiving and enlightened nature that forced me to give credit where credit was due.

Cupcakes

Remember how I told you about how a guy a work used the phrase "... takes the cake..."?

Well I was cautioning him against using it again as it has sparked a minor obsession with cake. And what did he say?

He told me that he was eating the most fabulous cupcakes yesterday!
I'm a little torn here...
On the one hand, he's clearly evil.
On the other, he's got cupcakes.
Evil = Access to cupcakes?

I'm not sure if I should hate him, or aspire to be more like him?

Either way, I still want cake. It doesn't help that I'm hun-gry! at the moment...

Working Hard and Hardly Working

Tomorrow morning is the big deadline at work.
Luckily, I have been totally on top of my game lately and I was done yesterday.
It's nice to be out from under this for the moment.
Unfortunately the next deadline is only 2.5 months away.
That may seem like a long time, but we really only get a months worth of testing, so it goes really fast.
Plus, my girl is going to be out of commission for another month, so I'll still be flying solo for a while yet.
Boo. (Yea for her, boo for me).

Tonight was a good night at the gym though. I stepped it up to run at 7 mph pretty much the whole time. I have been working up to this for awhile. So, it was pretty awesome that I was able to go at it for the whole time.

Also good, the annoying girls from Monday and Tuesday were missing, which meant I got to run on *my* treadmill as opposed to the one downstairs. Yay.

The only downside is that Tats was missing for the third day in a row. The gym is so much more fun when there is eye candy on display.

All in all, work is wrapped up and I'm feeling good about my progress at the gym. It was a pretty good day. Too bad it's Wednesday, which means there are two more days to go until the weekend.

Two more days until I get to play at Sephora and go out with the fam for my birthday.
Sigh.

Oops

I accidentally shot someone today.
Oops.

FancyTalker is a little obsessed with Nerf dart guns. He has about 1,000 in his office.
I was playing with one of them, which I couldn't get to work.
I know, it seems like they should be easy to figure out, but this one was complicated I swear.
There was a pump, a button, but no trigger.
I sort of gave up getting it to shoot and I was kind of just playing with it, when it went off and shot upwards out of his cube.
Fuck.
It sailed into someone else's office.
I had no idea where it went.
Luckily, the guy I shot thought it was kind of funny and returned the Nerf dart with no problems.
Hmm... this is why I never load the ninja launcher when I play with that in GameBoy's office.
I'll have to be more careful in the future when I play with the Nerf guns.
If this was supposed to teach me not to play with Nerf guns, Mission Unaccomplished.
I will still play with them.
I'm just going to have to be more careful about which co-workers I shoot.

SO happy!!!!

I was feeling a little bit of pressure at work.
My department is a little low on manpower due to lots of babies... well two babies anyway (out of 3 employees though). We're a pretty small team.
So, I've been taking on a much heavier workload to make up for the absence. Normally, this is no big deal. It's a lot of work, but I have no doubts what so ever that I could get it done.
But, I'm going to Hawaii next week. The work is long, but the time is short. I was really worried about how I was going to get everything done. Not just get everything done, but get everything done well.
Thankfully, the powers that be have moved out my deadline from mid-June to mid-July to accommodate some other stuff they want to do.
This makes me so blissfully happy! I will have plenty of time to do a kick-ass job now.
I will be able to go to Hawaii and enjoy myself, guilt free.
Booyah! :)