13 Days of Halloween

I'll be sad to see Halloween come and go this year. Not for the costumes (which I don't plan to wear), the adorable kids (which I don't plan to turn on the light for this year because I can't really afford it) or the candy (which I don't really eat).

I'll be sad to see Halloween go because it means the 13 Days of Halloween are over on ABC Family.

They have been showing some of my favorite movies on ABC Family instead of their usual teeny bopper fare.
The Goonies, The Addams Family, Edward Scissorhands, etc.
I've been tuning in quite a bit recently. I love these movies. Love them.

I've only got one more day, so I guess I had better enjoy them while they last. I'm sure ABC Family will be back to showing nonsense like A Walk to Remember in no time.

Nerd

The rule on Mother's Day is that the husband and I pick a Mother's Day brunch to go to and Mom gets to decide what we are going to do for the day.

The husband and I picked the New Glarus Hotel, which was lovely. 

She picked Star Trek.

It was fucking awesome.

It's not William Shatner's Star Trek. They were pretty much kicking ass and taking names. I'll admit I had a private little geek out moment to myself when they read the line. 

What line?

Either you like Star Trek and you already know or you don't and well, it would really matter if I explained it to you 'cause you wouldn't understand anyway.

My history with Star Trek isn't something I normally confess. I wouldn't call myself a "Trekkie", but I have more than a passing acquaintance with the Star Trek franchise. I'm pretty sure I've seen all the movies. I've seen most of the original series. I've also seen parts of The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, and Voyager. The only one I haven't seen was that short lived Scott Bakula one, Enterprise. 

You can call me a nerd if you like. A bigger person would probably say Live Long and Prosper. 

I'm going to go with fuck you instead. 

I likes what I likes...

I Hate Bella Swan

I do. I'm sorry. (Not really.)

She is horrible. She is one of the most annoying characters in literature that I have ever come across. Whiny, little martyr. 

When I originally read Twilight, I thought it was alright but not great. New Moon is just boring, except at the very end. Eclipse is a terrible, terrible book. I hate it. At some point, I want to slap all of the main characters. I've heard a lot of complaints about Breaking Dawn, but for me, even if it's kind of ridiculous, it's the most entertaining of the books. 

I really don't understand why people are so in love with these books. Jacob is a brat and a sexual predator. Edward is too-good-to-be-true and a little bit of a prig. Bella's a dumb twat. 

What's the appeal?

I watched the movie this weekend with Sist-A. It was okay, in that I didn't mind watching it and it was entertaining for what it was. Kristen Stewart is a terrible actress though. I don't think she could emote her way out of a paper bag. Or maybe she just doesn't understand the difference between all the other emotions and being mildly constipated?

This whole series makes me feel old. I just want to shake a cane at "kids today" and fondly reminisce about the "old days" when they knew how to construct a narrative and create likable characters.

Nancy Drew

The husband really worries me occasionally. Actually, I'm not sure that worry is the right word. Is there a word that means a combination of worry, sadness and annoyance?

Tonight we sat down to watch Nancy Drew, that movie starring Emma Roberts from a couple of years ago. As we're watching the preview together, he says to me, "So, what's this Nancy Drew thing all about?"

After staring at him incredulously for a few moments, I asked him if he's seriously never heard of Nancy Drew. He says he hasn't. 

WTF? Who hasn't heard of Nancy Drew? 

Sometimes I wonder if the husband isn't secretly an alien. It would explain SO much. 

Snakes on a Plane

Usually, I take great pains to avoid any movie that might fall into the horror genre. I don't get any great jollies out of being afraid. 

I will occasionally break this rule. Unfortunately, in a show of really poor judgement, I always seem to break these rules when home alone and my poor dogs are forced into sitting very close to me so I have someone around to protect me. Not that the husband would be that much help in the case of a homicidal maniac at any rate. 

Tonight, the husband and I watched Snakes on a Plane. I was mildly concerned before watching it that it would scare me in spite of the hokey, stupid plot. It is extremely easy to scare me. I was scared by The Frighteners. It stars Michael J. Fox who is possibly the least scary man alive, for pity's sake!

Well, as luck would have it, Snakes on a Plane is one of the dumbest movies I have ever seen. There was no opportunity at any point to be mildly thrilled, much less afraid. 

However there were some fantastic quotes from the movie. I'm going to share two of them with you because I think they hold up, even out of context.

"Fucking snake! Get off my dick!" - Dude who I think you can guess what happened to him

"I have had it with these mother fucking snakes on this mother fucking plane!" - Sammy J

You might want to say the second one to yourself a few times. It gets better the more you say it. And, at the point it comes in the movie, I have to say, I couldn't agree with you more Sammy J! I couldn't agree with you more.

Talky-talky

Everybody thinks my husband is a quiet, nice guy. And so he is, until you get to know him. 

Now, granted, sometimes the husband can be a real bastard (who isn't sometimes?), but this post isn't about that. The thing to know about the husband is, once you get to know him, he won't. shut. up. He is one talky son-of-a-bitch. He talks to me. He talks to the dogs. He talks to himself. Once he gets home, sometimes he just won't quit making noise. 

We started watching Band of Brothers last weekend (which is really good so far and you should see if you haven't already). Tonight, we were watching another couple of episodes and the husband just kept right on talking. 

I had to make a rule. There is no talking during Band of Brothers. 

I know. I'm the big, bad mean wife, right? That's fine as long as you shut the fuck up during Band of Brothers. He's allowed to (and does, unfortunately) talk during other movies. There are only certain ones I ban him from speaking during, so don't feel too bad for him.

It isn't for nothing that they say, "Silence is golden."

Love Actually

The husband and I watched Love Actually this evening.

I am just chock full of the kind of warm, fuzzies that this movie always gives me.

At this moment, I love puppies and rainbows and babies... and I love, love this movie. 

The music is amazing.

Emma Thompson is brilliant, as per usual for her.

Wisconsin girls (for once) are skewed towards being portrayed as hotties.

"Kids, don't buy drugs. Become a pop star and they give them to you for free." - Billy Mack

"To me, you are perfect..." - Mark

 

Sigh. 

Did I mention I love this movie?

There is only one problem with it and it bothers me every time I watch. 

Sarah's (Laura Linney) story. 

I get it; she loves her brother.

I love my siblings. 

I even have a certain amount of experience with sacrificing a piece of your own happiness for that of your siblings. 

I might help them cover up a murder. I would definitely take in their crack babies. 

But, if I had the opportunity to sleep with a man I had secretly been in love with for 2 years 7 months 3 days and 2 hours, then I would shut my cell phone off.

Their problems would still be there when we're done, right?

So, what's the harm?

I don't mean to burst your bubble if you thought otherwise, but there you have it. 

I'm Lame

I'm up at 1:30 AM watching Stick It, a craptacular movie about gymnastics. 

Here are a few things that are sad about this, besides the fact I'm watching this movie at all.

1. This is not the first time I've seen this movie. 

That's right. I've seen it before and I decided to watch it again anyway.

2. Two commercial banks ago, the movie some how reset to show the part of the movie that was on two commercial banks before that. 

So, not only am I watching the movie again, I've been watching the same scenes from this movie for about the last 45 minutes. 

3. Milo went to bed without me. 

The husband went to bed around midnight. Milo made it until one, but then I opened the bedroom door and he scampered away to cuddle up with the husband rather than stay up with me. It's sad when your dog abandons you because you've officially stayed up too late.

4. I cannot turn this movie off. 

It's not a great movie and I already know what happens. But, for the life of me, I cannot turn it off. I have to see it through to the end. 

It's possible I need some form of professional help. 

Side note: The gymnastics fan-girl in me totally tweaked out when I saw Nastia Liukin is in this movie. She does a whole bars routine. Hee. Awesome. 

Until I saw the movie poster, I didn't know this movie was from the writer of Bring It On. That should give you some hint about how good this movie is. 

Hardwicke

I was reading a review of the movie Twilight this afternoon and I was surprised to find that Catherine Hardwicke was the director.

I've seen all the movies that she has directed up until Twilight.
I think the woman is on crack.
Her directing choices are so bizarre.

Her first movie was Thirteen starring Evan Rachel Wood and Holly Hunter.
I understand what she was going for in this movie. I would even say, on some level, it's a good movie. But, I didn't like this movie. At all. 13-year-old girls are brats. I have a lot of respect for middle school teachers. It's on the list of jobs I would never, ever in a million years want, right alongside garbage collector and nurse (can you imagine me voluntarily entering a profession where I have to touch people for a living on purpose... yuck!).

Her second movie was Lords of Dogtown starring Heath Ledger and Emile Hirsch.
It's a kick-ass movie about the fathers of modern skateboarding based on the documentary of the same name. Love it. In fact, I own it.

Her third movie was The Nativity Story starring Keisha Castle-Hughes (aka that chick from Whale Rider). I don't think I need to enter a description of what this movie is about.

Um, what? The first two are gritty, fast paced stories about kids who grow up too fast surrounded by drugs, sex and alcohol. And in Lords of Dogtown's case, fame too.
The third is about the birth of Christ.
One of these things is not like the other...

Now, her fourth movie is Twilight.
Basically, a glorified teen soap opera about a vampire who falls in love with a human.

I haven't seen Twilight, but I've read the book it was based on. It's about the furthest thing from gritty that I can think of.

The first three movies all look alike. They have the same color palette and choppy cut away style, that I'm banking the fourth one has as well.
The only thematic thread that holds them together is that they are about teenagers.

If I didn't know that they were all directed by the same woman and you listed those four movies, Thirteen, Lords of Dogtown, The Nativity Story and Twilight and asked me what they all had in common, I would say nothing. They have nothing in common.

I'm not even bagging on her. It's just such a weird group of movies to call your own.
It makes me wonder what the thought process was. Does she just direct any movie they'll let her direct? Is there a rhyme or a reason there? If so, what the hell is it?

Maybe if I start smoking crack it will all become clear.

Redundant

I know it doesn't need to be said. 

It doesn't need to be written. 

It's one of those things that you just know without having to communicate it. 

If we were together, our eyes would meet and we would both know. 

We would know for that moment, that instant in time, we are EXACTLY on the same page with one another. 

Yet, I'm going to say it anyway. 

At the gym tonight, I watched "A Carol Christmas" starring Tori Spelling. 

It's like a Christmas Carol, only instead of Scrooge, it's a woman named Carol who's mean and has her own television show. 

We've had the big build up, and now here's the big bang. 

That movie sucks ass. 

It was horrible.

Tori Spelling cannot act.

I could not help but roll my eyes. I actually said "yuck" out loud at one point. 

That's right. I was talking to myself OUT LOUD at the gym. 

Thanks a lot Tori Spelling.

You suck.

You know what else?

Fuck you ABC Family.

Quit calling it the 25 days of Christmas.

You've already started it douche bags. 

We are currently at 35 days until Christmas.

Do the math. 

If you are insistent upon ramming Christmas down our throats, so that even in these hard economic times we couldn't possibly forget the season of rampant consumerism, then so be it. But don't call it the 25 days of Christmas. 

I'm just saying...

Quantum of Solace

I went to see Quantum of Solace today with the fam. 

The fam minus the husband who due to his drinking and staying up late last night, spent the entire day curled up in a fetal position in a darkened room. Wuss. 

The intelligent, empowered 21st century feminist in me thinks I shouldn't really like 007 movies. They are kind of misogynistic, especially the old ones. 

The rest of me tells her to shut the hell up for the following reasons:

1. My dad and I used to watch 007 movies together on cable when I was a kid. I can't hate on something we bonded over. 

2. I like action movies. 

In true American style, blow some shit up, drive fast cars, boats and/or planes, shoot some bad guys and I'm entertained for a few hours... as long as the plot line isn't incredibly stupid. (The part after the ... is just my caveat, unfortunately it doesn't seem to be the general rule)

3. I like 007 movies. 

The lame one-liners, the gadgets, the fast, gorgeous cars, the fast, gorgeous women. There's a certain tradition there that I dig. 

4. Daniel Craig is a smokin' piece of man flesh. The man knows how to wear a suit. Plus, the striking blue eyes. Plus, the gritty realism vibe of the last two Bond movies all makes for a very attractive package. All due respect to Sean Connery, but Daniel Craig is my favorite Bond, definitely of my lifetime, possibly ever. 

I'm pretty sure I would show up to watch him read the phone book.