Dishes

I hate doing dishes.

I don't know why, I just do. I leave them until they pile up so high it kind of disgusts me or until I run out of utensils to eat with. Then, I finally do the dishes.

I let them pile up this week because every night this week I've looked at them and thought, 'ugh! I can't deal with this tonight!'

And then, when I finally did ALL those horrible dishes tonight, it took less than 15 minutes.

So dumb! Just do it! (Thanks, Nike.)

And yet... right now, I sit here eating pudding with a spatula because I refuse to wash a spoon.

Leopards, their spots and all that jazz...

The High Cost of Being Poor

I didn't have anything better to do yesterday, so I went shopping.

Exciting? Maybe if it hadn't been for groceries.

Since I had some time to kill, I did a little comparison shopping.

We've got four places to buy groceries here:

I can shop the Pig, Pick N Save, Brennans or Wal-Mart.

Brennans is top notch, but waaaay too expensive and more of a niche story anyway. Although, I love the free samples!

The Pig is kind of worthless.

They don't even sell beef jerky... wtf?

That leaves Pick N Save and Wal-Mart.

Pick N Save is my normal grocery store, but except for Natures Valley Peanut Butter granola bars, it sells all of my comparison items at a higher price than Wally World (on average $0.34 per item).

However, Wal-Mart doesn't sell the environmentally friendly, non-animal testing cleaning products and paper products that I normally buy. So, I'll have to go to Pick N Save for that stuff anyway.

Even though it may make a little pin-prick in my soul, I think I'm going to have to shop for some of my groceries at Wal-Mart. I just can't justify spending that much more money per item for the exact same thing right now when every dollar counts. Ugh.

Shadows and Nightmares

Can someone stop this ride, please? I'd like to get off.

On Friday, I had another ultrasound done on my right breast. The lumps from before are stable, and one even seems to have gotten smaller (Yay!). But, and this particular "but" seems to be a reoccurring theme, they found a new lump.

The radiologist wants to just watch it and see if it's stable. My surgeon wants to operate or biopsy; she always wants to operate or biopsy. In this case, because I'd rather be careful, yet I don't want my breasts to look like a war zone, so I sided with my surgeon, but opted for the biopsy.

The nurse asked me if my doctor had explained the procedure to me. I said that she hadn't, but that it was unnecessary since I just had a biopsy in March.
She nodded sympathetically, but looked vaguely uncomfortable.
She asked if I had any questions.
"This is the one in the basement, right? They call me to schedule it?" I asked, just to make sure.
Unfortunately, these questions made the nurse explain the WHOLE procedure to me from beginning to end. I wanted to stop her, but I think it made her feel better to tell me, so I just let her go on.

It's funny (not 'ha ha' funny) how people respond to this kind of thing.
The radiologist was jovial. "You've had an awful lot of biopsies for someone your age!" with a giant smile.
Well, yeah. And thanks for bringing it up.

The radiology tech was apologetic. She mouthed "sorry" to me when she found the lump.
Me too. But I'd rather you found it, than not.

The surgeon was friendly. "It was great to get to see you again!" (super-upbeat tone)
Really? Maybe for you.

The husband is overly concerned. He asked if I wanted him to take off work to go with me to consult with the surgeon today. Sweet, and yet somehow annoying.
I'm not dying. And this appt was just so my surgeon could give her two cents about what I should do. Calm down.

I? Have an overactive imagination. When I'm there in the doctor's office, it's like I can see a corridor in time of what happens if it is cancer. I'm not going to explain what I see because an embarrassing amount of it is overly dramatic and silly. But, I think you're allowed to be a little overly dramatic and silly when considering the possibility of cancer, for at least a minute or two.

In a lot of ways, I am lucky. I keep winning the lottery. This thought helps keep me from being too maudlin or self indulgent, but it doesn't quite chase away the fear. That doesn't happen until everything comes back as okay and I forget about this until my next follow up appointment when this starts all over again.

How I was almost good, but then I wasn't

At Christmas, my work hands out holiday cards with crisp $100 bills inside of them. Usually I hand mine over to the husband. This year (with his approval) I kept it. I've been thinking about what I would spend the money on for the past 5 months.

Makeup? Clothes? Jewelry? A new purse? A new vanity for the bathroom?

The possibilities were more enticing than actually spending the money. 

Today, I finally spent my $100. 

I would love to tell you I bought something completely fabulous. 

Nope. Instead, I spent the money on some new bras. 

Sexy bras, at least?

Sure. You'll never know if I'm lying anyway.

It was long overdue. I needed some that actually fit. Too much information? Suck it up. 

I bought three new ones and I could have paid for it out of our joint account, but I had the cash and since I didn't technically need them it seemed fair to pay for it with my own money. 

So, I was a good little girl and did not put my purchases on our bank card. 

THEN. Then, I went to Sephora. Just to look. 

Um, would it help if I said that one of the things I bought was on sale?

No? Oh well. 

I tried. Kind of.

iPod Journey

I went to visit my friend, Fatty, last month. He told me that he listens to his iPod play list alphabetically through all the songs since the iPod shuffle function is suck. He even took some artists (Daughtry) off his iPod because his shuffle function loved them so much and he didn't love them quite that much. 

At first, I thought he was crazy. What the hell kind of way is that to listen to music? Alphabetically? What the hell?

But then, I had to agree, the shuffle function does suck. You get the same songs over and over again no matter where you start.

So, I tried it.

I listened to all 1154 songs I currently have loaded on my iPod alphabetically. It took me one month and 20 days. I finally finished my entire play list today. 

On the one hand, it was nice to get to hear songs that don't come up on the shuffle play list very often. It forced me to slow down and listen to some of the lesser known tracks on some of my Cd's.

On the other hand, it made me very impatient at times. VERY impatient. Because, of course, there were rules and I since I made the rules I couldn't break them. 

Rule 1: I can skip Christmas songs, but I don't have to.

Rule 2: I can't skip a song I like just because I'm not in the mood for it.

Rule 3: I can't skip a song just because I don't know it.

Rule 4: I can skip songs I really hate, but only if I really hate them. 

Anything by Colbie Caillat falls in this category. I thought I would love her when I bought her CD, but as it turns out I don't. Her voice gets on my nerves the more I hear it. Oops.

It was an interesting experiment, but I'm not sure if I'd do it again. It took too long. 

Then again, I have to do something to combat shuffle suck, so it's always an option on the table.

Why do I feel like I've accomplished something worthwhile, like running a marathon, instead of something completely nonsensical?

Possibly because I'm completely delusional.

Or it's possibly because completing it thoroughly satisfies that OCD place buried deep within my heart.

I think I end up on the crazy side of the teeter-totter either way. 

Sheltered Life

Normally, I live such a sheltered, routine life when I go on these work trips I'm like an ADD kid on crack. My mind moves over different subject matter at about a million miles per hour. Since, half of the purpose of this blog is to purge the junk from my head so that it doesn't torture me, here is some of the junk that has been piling up the last couple of days. 

1. I wish the Fitness Center in my hotel wasn't on the other side from the hotel rooms which means I have to walk across the lobby, entrance, hotel restaurant and hotel bar all hot and sweaty after I work out. 

P.S. This hotel is fucking giant and like a giant maze.

2. Traveling for work ruins traveling for personal reasons. For work, I stay in really nice, plush hotels. How could I stay in a shit hole for personal travel after that?

3. Sometimes, I don't have the television on because I want to watch it, but because I like the colors and the noise. Turns out I have more in common with babies than I thought.

4. There are trains in San Francisco. They travel really fast. I have watched to many movies, so it makes me really nervous every time one of them rushes by. I keep imagine myself, car stalled on the tracks. It is totally irrational, but my heart pounds a little bit when they zoom by.

5. In Madison, I saw a dude with totally crazy hair in the air terminal. It was kind of a mullet, only fluffier and curlier. But, not naturally curly, like he went out of his way to put product in his hair and make it look that way. Guess who I got to sit by on the flight to Minneapolis?

That's right Crazy-man Mullet. I didn't allow myself to look at him for the entire flight. I knew if I did, I would just giggle and that would be rude. 

6. Traveling alone is weird, but not unpleasant necessarily.

7. I was a good Samaritan yesterday. I found a credit card on the ground in the lobby and turned it into the front desk. I debated about what to do since if I were that guy I would probably comb the lobby looking for my lost credit card, but oh well, he can suck it because I tried to do the nice thing by turning it in so his identity doesn't get stolen. 

8. I love pepperoni. I love bell peppers. You'd think the combination of the both of them on a pizza would be awesome, but if I'm being honest I'd just rather have plain cheese. I don't need a lot of junk on my pizza mucking things up. 

I don't like fruit in my yogurt either. It's pretentious. The fruit, not eating yogurt with fruit in it. 

Okay, I'm coming down off the high of finally getting food tonight. Now, I'm sleepy. I don't have the patience for writing more stuff. I'm done for now, but don't get smug. It might happen again.

Christmas Cards

I'm officially done with my Christmas cards. 

They've been addressed, stickered, stamped and signed. 

This year we're sending out 34 cards. 

34! I can't believe we know 34 people to send out cards to!

I'm kind of sick of Christmas cards. 

Addressing, stickering, stamping and signing all 34 of them was kind of a pain in the ass. 

The good news is that right now, is the longest time until I have to fill out Christmas cards again. 

Yay!

Honesty

For future reference, salmon chowder does NOT taste like clam chowder.
The use of the term "chowder", in addition to them both being seafood based, might lead you to believe they are similar, but they are not.
I'm in class today, so I get a free lunch.
I wanted something hot (because it's fucking freezing in this building) and they only had two soup options at work, a potato soup and a salmon chowder.
Not a fan of potato soups, so I tried the salmon.
Eh, I'm not sure whether I liked (eventually) it or if I was just won over by the warmth it provided.

In the interest of full disclosure, I was unreasonably naughty and had two fudge cookies with white chocolate chips for dessert to console myself for the crappy soup.

I know you don't care, but I have to hold myself accountable somehow, so suck it.

Broken Again!

My curling iron broke again this morning.
AGAIN!
I've only had this one since June.
I'm so done with Conair.
I liked this curling iron because it was a combination curling iron/flat iron.
While convenient, this does me no good if the damn thing is always breaking.
So annoying!

Working Hard and Hardly Working

Tomorrow morning is the big deadline at work.
Luckily, I have been totally on top of my game lately and I was done yesterday.
It's nice to be out from under this for the moment.
Unfortunately the next deadline is only 2.5 months away.
That may seem like a long time, but we really only get a months worth of testing, so it goes really fast.
Plus, my girl is going to be out of commission for another month, so I'll still be flying solo for a while yet.
Boo. (Yea for her, boo for me).

Tonight was a good night at the gym though. I stepped it up to run at 7 mph pretty much the whole time. I have been working up to this for awhile. So, it was pretty awesome that I was able to go at it for the whole time.

Also good, the annoying girls from Monday and Tuesday were missing, which meant I got to run on *my* treadmill as opposed to the one downstairs. Yay.

The only downside is that Tats was missing for the third day in a row. The gym is so much more fun when there is eye candy on display.

All in all, work is wrapped up and I'm feeling good about my progress at the gym. It was a pretty good day. Too bad it's Wednesday, which means there are two more days to go until the weekend.

Two more days until I get to play at Sephora and go out with the fam for my birthday.
Sigh.

Well, that's a relief...

Usually, when I blog, it's about stupid things.
The beauty and the randomness of life that amuses me.
Lately it's been radio silence.
It's not that I stopped noticing all the quirks of life; it's just that something else loomed larger in my thoughts. Something real. Something I couldn't laugh away or ignore.
But something I did NOT want to talk about... for a variety of reasons, some fair, some unfair.

There has been a gray cloud casting a shadow over my life for the last six weeks, but finally, the weather has cleared up and it looks like sunny skies ahead. Or at least sunnier than it has been.

Six weeks ago, I went for my yearly checkup to my OB/Gyn and she noticed a lump in my right breast. (Sorry guys... this may be painful for you) I had noticed it, too, it was part of the reason I made the appointment. But, I wasn't sure that it wasn't my imagination. I've lost so much weight over the last year and a half, my breasts feel weird to me.

The doctor wanted me to have an ultrasound, so I did. I had the ultrasound the Wednesday before I went to Hawaii. The radiologist confirmed that I did indeed have a "mass" in my breast. Great. What a fun note to jet off to Hawaii on, but I just tried to put it out of my mind and enjoy the trip anyway.

When I got back, that Tuesday I had a consult with the surgeon my doctor uses to have biopsy done on the masses (Yep, sigh, there were two). The surgeon wanted to just go ahead and remove both of them "since I'm so young" instead of just taking a sample from them. Who am I to argue with the big, bad surgeon? So, I agreed and the surgery was scheduled for this last Monday.

Before the surgery, I had another ultrasound where they put these wires into my breast to guide the surgeon to the masses. They give you anesthetic, so it doesn't really hurt, but it's a weird experience to be surrounded (it took three of them... I guess they were hard little buggers to pin down) by strangers who keep poking me in the breast. Then there was the actual surgery. I don't remember any of that, thankfully, but they tell me all went well.

It has been surprisingly smooth sailing since then. I was very achy and sore for the first 24 hours and I'm actually surprised that it doesn't really hurt much now at all. Then, there was the waiting. Tick-tock. They said they would call me. I've jumped every time the phone rang at work for the last two days. Tick-tock. Finally, today at 11, I called them. It was three days already. Three days of, well, the surgery is over, so do I have cancer or not? Just tell me already!

You should have already guessed by now that I don't. They were benign. There you go, it's in writing now for you, if that makes you feel better.

I'm not going to lie, this whole ordeal has been scary... more like terrifying. Catching a glimpse of your own mortality is somewhat life affirming, but mostly panic inducing. I kept going over it in my head. 4 out of 5 women who have this surgery do not end up with cancer. I am only 27 and live a fairly healthy lifestyle, so the odds are in my favor. But then there were the other thoughts, 1 out of 5 women does get cancer. I didn't always live a healthy lifestyle. What if it's me? Everybody thinks it's not going to be them, but obviously sometimes it's somebody. Best case scenario: I have benign tumors in my chest. Not really a great scenario in my humble opinion.

Some of you may be rather vexed with me for not telling you about any of this earlier. And I love you, but it wasn't your call to make. I can understand your feelings, if it was the other way around I might be annoyed, too. But, it's not your life and it wasn't your medical crisis. So, I have to deal with things the best way I can. The way that it makes it easiest for me to cope with it, not you.

Hopefully, now, things can get back to normal and I'll be able to blog about silly things again like Top Chef (even though it's over now and Stephanie won... Yay!!) or the music they play at my gym (Still Delilah, BOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

It's quite a relief now that the ten ton weight that has been sitting on my shoulders has finally been removed. Now, I can get back to our regularly scheduled programming...

SO happy!!!!

I was feeling a little bit of pressure at work.
My department is a little low on manpower due to lots of babies... well two babies anyway (out of 3 employees though). We're a pretty small team.
So, I've been taking on a much heavier workload to make up for the absence. Normally, this is no big deal. It's a lot of work, but I have no doubts what so ever that I could get it done.
But, I'm going to Hawaii next week. The work is long, but the time is short. I was really worried about how I was going to get everything done. Not just get everything done, but get everything done well.
Thankfully, the powers that be have moved out my deadline from mid-June to mid-July to accommodate some other stuff they want to do.
This makes me so blissfully happy! I will have plenty of time to do a kick-ass job now.
I will be able to go to Hawaii and enjoy myself, guilt free.
Booyah! :)

Cinco de Mayo

I felt like it couldn't go unmentioned that today is cinco de mayo.
Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone!
I'd say feliz or something, you know, more Spanish-y, but then I might have Heather or Ashley correcting my Spanish grammar. So, nuts to that.

Also, I'm happy to report that I'm finally back in the black on sick days at work. Turns out getting in a car accident and shortly thereafter getting the flu just drains them all away. But, you know what sucks more than being in the red on sick days? Having the flu AND a broken shoulder. Boo. Dark times, kids, dark times.

Now, I'm happily healed up. I can even sleep on my left shoulder again! And I'm back in the black on sick days! Good times! Yay!

HA! I Knew It!

I was watching a preview for Speed Racer a few minutes ago and I saw a flash of an actor at the beginning. I thought, hmmm, that looks like Ben Miles (a.k.a. Patrick from Coupling) and, don't you know it I was right. HA! I can't believe I recognized him from that flash. It kind of makes me want to see this movie now. :)

Success

Sometimes you worry about something for nothing.
I appear to have grown somewhat, at least in terms of expectations about my body, since I was 18.
I found a swim suit and as it turns out it wasn't really that big of a deal.
The husband was safe for the most part.

Does that mean that I didn't freak out at all today?
No, I did, but it was unrelated to body image.

I was trying on swim suits at Macy's and I took off my rings because they were almost falling off and then I accidentally left them there. The husband and I were all the way over at the Boston Store at West Towne when I remembered. We hauled ass back to Macy's and luckily they were still in the dressing room! I feel so bad for the poor woman who was trying on clothes when I knocked on the door! She was extremely nice, but still....
Needless to say, my rings stayed firmly on my fingers for the rest of the day! I was SO relieved.

Also, I managed to find a pair of workout pants that fit! Yay! Those stupid cropped pants are all the rage, so it's hard to find a regular pair. But, since I look stupid in cropped pants (like my normal pants just shrunk up an inch or two), I had to find a regular pair that weren't too long/short or too big/small... like Goldilocks and the three bears I finally found a pair that were just right!

Sigh. It was a good shopping day for me. :)