Yikes!

So, about a month ago I got a Facebook friend request from Dude. I didn't really know who he was, but he lives close to me and he works at the car dealership where I get my oil changed. I thought maybe he was the guy I talk to up there, so I accepted the friend request. I thought, why not?

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Why not, she thought naively. Bah!

Dude Facebook chats me now. He's sent me his cell number at least six times so that I can "text him."

Did I forget to mention that Dude is married with a two year old son!!!

You know how I know this? It says so on his Facebook profile.

Why would I text a married man? What would we text about?

Even if I didn't get a Tiger Woods/Jesse James vibe from this guy, it would be weird.

Here's the problem:

He works at the place where I get my oil changed. What the hell am I supposed to do about that? I can't unfriend him. I think he'll notice and then "magically" all the oil leaks out of my car and I have to pay for expensive repairs?

I'm not texting him. That's not happening.

I'm doing my best to ignore him.

Boys are so weird.

Drama, drama, drama

Work has been a high drama place as of late. 

To make a long story short, there is a girl who has gotten involved with a project I am working on. She has come into a project she knows nothing about and feels as though she has the right to tell me and my Counterpart what to do (she doesn't). She is uncommunicative about information we need to do our jobs and gets defensive and angry every time we have asked her to be better about sharing information. 

The first time I asked her to please let us know information we need, she ran to her boss and then the two of them went to my boss (when my boss was the Hammer) without saying a word to me. I'll admit that this created some ill will towards this girl, even though the Hammer completely backed me up. 

As a catty side note, this girl once wore a sweatshirt tucked in to her jeans. *mean girl snicker*

Ha. Whatever.

Anyway, she just keeps causing problems and now other people are getting involved. People who I would not want working against me and thankfully are supportive of me and my Counterpart. 

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate drama? Hate, hate, hate it. Hate. it.

It puts me off my game and makes me feel all stressed out. I don't want to deal with this kind of shit.

I want her to act like a grown-up. I want her to realize that we work in a collaborative atmosphere, not a hierarchical structured one, so she is not in charge of me. We don't have to be friends. We don't even have to like each other. We just have to work together. 

Grow the fuck up and get out of my space. Then, I could go back to forgetting she even existed. Ahhh... just the idea of it is a little bit of heaven.

Talky-talky

Everybody thinks my husband is a quiet, nice guy. And so he is, until you get to know him. 

Now, granted, sometimes the husband can be a real bastard (who isn't sometimes?), but this post isn't about that. The thing to know about the husband is, once you get to know him, he won't. shut. up. He is one talky son-of-a-bitch. He talks to me. He talks to the dogs. He talks to himself. Once he gets home, sometimes he just won't quit making noise. 

We started watching Band of Brothers last weekend (which is really good so far and you should see if you haven't already). Tonight, we were watching another couple of episodes and the husband just kept right on talking. 

I had to make a rule. There is no talking during Band of Brothers. 

I know. I'm the big, bad mean wife, right? That's fine as long as you shut the fuck up during Band of Brothers. He's allowed to (and does, unfortunately) talk during other movies. There are only certain ones I ban him from speaking during, so don't feel too bad for him.

It isn't for nothing that they say, "Silence is golden."

Tanks for Nothing, Danny!

To the douche bag who stole my salad dressing at work:

You are a jerk.

XOXO,
Me

P.S. Also, please return my Tupperware container, as I use it quite often.

Redundant

I know it doesn't need to be said. 

It doesn't need to be written. 

It's one of those things that you just know without having to communicate it. 

If we were together, our eyes would meet and we would both know. 

We would know for that moment, that instant in time, we are EXACTLY on the same page with one another. 

Yet, I'm going to say it anyway. 

At the gym tonight, I watched "A Carol Christmas" starring Tori Spelling. 

It's like a Christmas Carol, only instead of Scrooge, it's a woman named Carol who's mean and has her own television show. 

We've had the big build up, and now here's the big bang. 

That movie sucks ass. 

It was horrible.

Tori Spelling cannot act.

I could not help but roll my eyes. I actually said "yuck" out loud at one point. 

That's right. I was talking to myself OUT LOUD at the gym. 

Thanks a lot Tori Spelling.

You suck.

You know what else?

Fuck you ABC Family.

Quit calling it the 25 days of Christmas.

You've already started it douche bags. 

We are currently at 35 days until Christmas.

Do the math. 

If you are insistent upon ramming Christmas down our throats, so that even in these hard economic times we couldn't possibly forget the season of rampant consumerism, then so be it. But don't call it the 25 days of Christmas. 

I'm just saying...

Most Influential

Forbes created a list of most "influential celebrity tots"
What the hell?
Who are they influencing?

Me?
Well, those Mary Janes Suri's been sporting lately are pretty cute. They'd still look pretty good on a 28 y/o right?

Seriously, people, get a grip. They're toddlers. Just because they happened to be unlucky enough to be the spawn of a celebrity doesn't mean anything. Yes, unlucky. Of the "top 10", would anyone like to place bets on how many of them end up in rehab in the next 10 - 15 years?

Also stupid? The fact that they've ranked siblings, but sometimes not all the sibs made the list.
Example) Sean Preston (Britany Spears oldest) made the list, but her youngest Jayden James did not.
Zahara, Shiloh and Pax Jolie-Pitt made the list, but Maddox, Vivienne and Knox did not.

If these kids were old enough to be aware of such a stupid fucking list, how much would that suck to be the kid left off of it? Your siblings are influential, but you just didn't make the cut.

Dumb, dumb, dumb.
You and your top 10 lists are lame Forbes.

Just for your edification, here's their list:
Suri Cruise
Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
Zahara Jolie-Pitt
Pax Jolie-Pitt
Sam Alexis Wood
Cruz Beckham
Matilda Rose Ledger
David Banda
Sean Preston Federline
Sam Sheen

The Hammer

Forget anything negative I have ever said about the Hammer.
I officially love that guy.
It's good to know that although other people may blow, he's got my back.

I've always said loyalty and respect are earned; you don't give them away as party favors.
Well, now the Hammer has both.

Boys are Dumb.

I wore a blazer to work today.

It's purple and velvety (not actual velvet, velvet-like cotton).

It's darker than in the picture. Much darker.

It's more like a dark plum, than magenta.

The hammer saw it and told me it was very "Hugh Hefner-esque."

Shut the fuck up, hammer.

A month or so ago, I wore a shirt with flowers on it to work. This is the conversation I had with one of my programmers, StubbornAss, about it.

SA: You look different today.

Me: Thank you.

Me: Um, wait a minute. You meant that in a nice way right.

SA: [laughs]

Shut the fuck up, StubbornAss.

What the hell is wrong with the boys in this office?

Let me explain the office rules to you since you don't seem to be getting it.

(Disclaimer: These rules may not apply to every girl)

Rule #1: Don't comment on my appearance.

We're not friends like that. We work together. I don't want to hear what you think about what I'm wearing or how I look.

Rule #2: If you really feel the need to comment on my appearance, it better damn well be a compliment.

Again, we're not friends like that. We work together. I don't want to hear what you think about what I'm wearing or how I look, but if you insist on telling me, it had better be a fucking compliment. Neither "interesting" nor "Hugh Hefner-esque" falls under this category.

And just for the record, this jacket is not "Hugh Hefner-esque." It fucking rocks. I don't care if you like it, you don't have to wear it.

Besides, if it's anything it's more "Joker-esque" if the Joker wore cute, fitted jackets. So there.

Why would you do that?

The husband talked to our friend Fatty the other day and delivered this bit of news to me, they got rid of one of their dogs Tanner and are looking to get rid of their other dog Shag. Both golden-doodles.

I have never been so annoyed with Fats.
Are you kidding me?

Let's be clear upfront. I have three dogs.
I'm pretty soft on anything soft and fuzzy.
I'm pretty soft on animals in general.

This is the second time Fatty and his wife have gotten rid of dogs they've owned.
This really pisses me off and here's why.

1. Dog are not DVDs.
You don't pick them up and play with them every once in awhile and then trade them away when you get bored with them. They are a responsibility. In return for agreeing to feed, water, take them out and put up with some degree of naughtiness, you get complete and total devotion. It's a pretty damn good trade.

My 3 are not angels to be sure, but they are all so sweet in their own ways. It takes so little to make them happy. Hell, half the time all I have to do is walk in the room.

2. Dogs are not children.
They do not grow up. They do not develop higher reasoning skills. They do not leave the nest.
If you leave them alone in a room with stuff they can chew up, they might chew it up. They are fucking dogs. They aren't going to "learn not to do stuff like that". They don't know. Some dogs are smarter than others, but at their core they are still animals. They are going to do what dogs do.

If they do something bad, most likely it is your fault, not theirs. If they chewed up your book, then next time, keep your book where they can't reach it. You have logic and reasoning skills; use them.

Dogs don't understand you are in a bad mood today. They don't understand why you are yelling at them. They don't remember stuff that happened more than a few minutes ago.

They got rid of their first dog because Fatty thought he was annoying.
This time I guess the dogs chewed up some stuff, so they wanted to get rid of them.

Here's a promise for you, if Fatty gets another dog, I'm going to have to hurt him.
I rarely ever threaten that, and carry it out even less.
But, he gets another dog and you can bank on it.

Butt Out!!

Our Dog Walker Lady won't stop harassing us about Milo's food dishes. 

She has explained (and drawn diagrams -- see below) several times about dishes that won't turn over. 

She is very concerned that Milo turns his food dish over on a regular basis and then eats his food off the floor. 

I would be very concerned about this if Milo was our child and not our dog. 

Since he is a dog, I really would find it difficult to care less about whether he eats his food out of his dish or off the floor. 

Plus, he doesn't just dump it on the floor in a little pile and eat it. He scatters it everywhere before he eats it. Sometimes I find a couple of pieces on my pillow... maybe he wants to save them for later? I like to think he revels in it when we're not around. That he tosses it up in the air and rolls around in it. So, why should I stand in the way of his fun? 

Is there a polite way to tell the DWL to fuck off and stop harassing me about my dog's food dish?

Tie Breaker?

So, the 12 year old cheater went first in the Uneven Bars event finals and scored a 16.725.
Then, the non-cheater Nastia Liukin went and also scored 16.725.

The computer has some fucked program that figures out how to break the tie.
What the hell?
And naturally, the cheater has come out on top.

What a fucked up way to win the silver medal.

The announcers keep making comments like, well she [Nastia] knew the were tie breaking rules.
Um, okay. Who goes into the Olympics and thinks they're actually going to get a fucking tie?
A tie with a 12 year old cheater? A tie that gets you second place based on some stupid software program?

That's lame, IOC. And kind of bullshit.

ETA:
Bela Karolyi: Jah jah jah, this is ridiculous! Jah, jah, jah.

I couldn't have said it better myself, Bela.

Frustrating

Today has been very frustrating. Grown-ups shouldn't need to be told to do their jobs properly, they should just do it.... argh!

And back home again

Thank goodness I am home again.
That was the most boring trip I have ever taken.
Boo.
Normally, I wouldn't be that upset about it, except that things are mad crazy at work right now with our deadline next Thursday.
Bah.
What are you going to do?