Monday, December 29, 2008

Brace Yourself, Blume

What you will see tomorrow is just for you, mr. blume.
It's a rare sighting. Like a supernova. Or something else really rare.
It may never happen again, so enjoy it.

No spoilers from those of you who already know.

Blame the Victim?

As many of you know, last Tuesday (December 23rd) I was rear ended by some jackass who was driving too fast for road conditions. Since then, we've been trying to work something out to get our car fixed, yet everyone involved seems to want to give us the run around.

The police office who handled the incident told me I only needed the case number and that if I gave it to my insurance company that they would contact his insurance company and it would all be handled.

My insurance company says that they will fix my car if I pay the $1000 deductible, otherwise I'm on my own.

The auto body shop that has my car says they need the insurance information from the guy who hit me before they can do anything.

The Verona Area Police Department (which I'm now convinced only hires morons) says that they can't give me that information because it's not an open case and hasn't been processed by some Lieutenant and he's behind because of the holidays... blah, blah, blah.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Did I ask to be rear ended? I don't see how this situation is in anyway my fucking fault and yet this entire situation has been more hassle then last year when I got into an accident that supposedly was my fault.

(I say supposedly because I was knocked unconscious and have no memory of the event)

I hate this. I need my damn car fixed. My employer is spread out over multiple buildings and there is no way I'm going to be able to go without a car for long. No one seems in a hurry to help me though. I guess that's what you get for driving home.

I'm so angry right now I can't even see straight. I. Hate. This.


Now that I'm back from the in-laws, I had planned on writing an adorable blog on all the quirky stuff they do up there. And let me tell you, some of the people we know up there bring quirky to a whole new level I never even imagined existed until I met them.

However, currently my piece-o-shit Dell laptop will only work if the husband and I hold manually hold the power cable at an awkward angle, tap it three times with the first blooms of a cherry blossom tree underneath a harvest moon. So, I scrapped it to whine instead.

Tomorrow we're ordering a new computer, and dude, it ain't gonna be a Dell. We're going to go with a Mac this time in the hopes that a non-Windows based computer might not be the complete pieces of shit that our last 3 computers have been (all Dells, I might add).

The only problem is how to get all the old data off the old computer. It gets kind of crampy to continue to hold the power cord at an awkward angle. We'll see if we can manage it long enough for me to transfer our stuff, possibly to an online data storage center.

Anybody use any that they would recommend? Any that come uber-cheap? Anybody have a Dell laptop battery I can borrow to avoid angry hand cramps?

Have I ever mentioned that I hate Dell?

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

A Better Version of Myself

I'm really trying to be a better version of myself this morning. 

What I want to do, what I would love to do, is write a ranting and raving blog full of the kind of expletives that would make your grandmother blush. I got off the phone this morning with the most (insert mean, angry, expletive filled tirade here) customer service agent at State Farm. 

She was giving me completely contradictory information to everything we were told yesterday, all in that fake, perky fucking tone. (Sorry, one slipped).

The thing that she said that annoyed me the most?

"Why would you listen to a police officer on how to file a claim?"

Well, the thing is, he is a patrol officer. This is kind of what he does. He has probably handled countless accidents over the years, plus, you know, he's a cop. Are you really going to sit there with your perky fucking tone (oops, again) and judge me for not getting the other guy's insurance information myself when I was still all shaken up from being in a car accident? Really? I'm the idiot for listening to the cop? Maybe, and thanks so much for pointing it out to me. 

Deep breaths. 
Deep breaths. 

In the spirit of Christmas, I am not writing the blog I want to write. I'm going to keep all the anger and vitriol all bottled up inside me. I'm writing a toned down version instead with only a few slip-ups curses that are relatively tame. 

I don't want to be the kind of person filled with anger and vitriol, so I'm not going to let the most annoying bitch (oh, well...) control me. I'm going to let this go, for the moment. A warning to Rob Fox, my insurance agent (not who I talked to this morning), you had better step up, or I'm going to be looking for a new insurance company in the very near future. 

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Merry Christmas

Tomorrow, the husband and I leave for his parent's house. There, I will spend 4 painful days disconnected from the world at large. 

So, since I won't be around on the day of, I want to pre-wish you a Merry Christmas. 

Much, much love to you and yours. 


Today, I was rear ended on highway 151 by some jerk who was driving too fast and following too close. My rear window was shattered and my bumper was crushed like a tin can. 

I'm okay. 

The cop asked me if I was okay at least four times. By the end, I wanted to say, "Dude, I was just in a car accident. Is okay relative? Then, for just being in a car accident, I'm okay."

The worst part?

The guy honked seconds before he hit me. Just long enough, so that I had time to look into my rear view mirror and watch him hit me. That's the part that keeps playing over and over in my head. 

Honk, glance... CRASH!

Hopefully all of you have had a better day than I did. Be safe out there and remember not to follow too closely or you may end up being the jerk in the rear view mirror. 

Monday, December 22, 2008

Only one more day...

Only one more day of work and then I'm on vacation until the new year. Thank goodness!!

I was going crazy at work all day today. I was barely able to sit still or concentrate on anything. We had a deadline last Thursday and I'm completely uninterested in starting to work on something new. To my credit, I got little to nothing done today. 

I don't know why I'm so excited to be on vacation either. It must be the total euphoria of not having to be at work. I can tell you this, it's not because we have some plans that I'm looking forward to this week. 

Wednesday, we're driving up to stay with the husband's family through Saturday. I like the in-laws for the most part, but here's the thing, visiting them is boring. It's watching paint dry boring. I usually bring four or five books and make it through all of them while I'm there. I think his family must think I'm some sort of crazy bookworm because I'm constantly reading when I'm up there. 

For the most part, there's NOTHING else to do. 

Plus, there is Country Roads.
I hate Country Roads, with a passion. Country Roads is the local diner where the husband's parents live. His parent's LOVE that place. We usually eat up there at least twice when we visit. 

What's so bad about this local diner, you ask?

It's not the food. While nothing to write home about, it's not the worst stuff I've ever had either. 
It's not the atmosphere. CR is clean and well-lit. 

It's the fact that the husband's parents are completely content to sit around CR and gossip with all the locals for HOURS! I'm sorry, but breakfast is not a 3 hour event! 

The last few times we've been up to visit, I've made the husband drive separate so we can leave. I love his parents, but sometimes enough is too much. 

Yet, I'm still completely jazzed to be done with work after tomorrow. Doesn't say a lot for my job at the moment, does it?

Saturday, December 20, 2008


After yesterday's adventure in snow shoveling, my back is helluva sore today. I had to skip no less than 5 weight lifting machines today because they involved (in any sort of minor way) back muscles. 

Usually, I lift at the gym 3 times per week.
You would think that those muscles I've spent the last year and a half building up would be good for something. But, no. I'm pretty sure they're just for show.

ETA: Just so you know, according to blogger spell check I spelled "helluva" correctly, which made me curious, so I checked

-adjective, adverb

hell of a, Compare heck

It's a real word. Who fucking knew?

Friday, December 19, 2008

For the Record: Part II

I don't like to brag (who am I kidding, I love to brag), but sometimes I am an awesome wife. Not very often, but it has been known to happen. 

Last night, it snowed. A lot.
I didn't have to go to work today, so when I got up I decided to do something about the snow situation in our driveway. I tried to use the snow blower, but the husband can be kind of an ass sometimes and refused to show me how to do it the one time I asked. I tried to figure it out on my own, but there are a lot of buttons and switches on the snow blower. I pressed a few buttons, flipped a few switches, but I didn't know what the hell I was doing so I gave up when I didn't have any immediate successes. 

So, I got out the shovel to work on it the old-fashioned way. I'm going to be honest, I didn't initially plan to shovel the entire driveway. I planned on shoveling out the end of the driveway and the high parts, so I could get the Prius in and out of the garage. But, I got started with the end of the driveway and I was having... um, fun? No, fun is not the right word, but I was making some good progress, so I decided to continue until I got sick of it. 

While I was working, one of my neighbors (who is totally awesome, by the by) saw me working by hand and came over to help out with his snow blower. So, he finished snow blowing my driveway and I shoveled off our front walkway, front porch and then worked on making a path for the dogs from the deck in the back of our house. 

(Yes, the dogs get a path. Milo stands about 6 inches off the ground. If we don't shovel him a path, he would probably just sink down and get stuck.)

So, when the husband came home, there was no work required. It had already been done by my neighbor and me. 

What did he have to say to this miracle of the ages? 

The husband: "When I shovel off the deck, usually I make the path a little bigger."

Totally worth it?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

What the hell are you doing?

I went to the gym tonight. Big surprise, right?
I was upstairs on the elliptical when some kid came up to run on one of the treadmills. 
Oh. My. Lord!
I have never heard anybody run so loudly in my life.

Imagine someone banging on a piece of sheet metal with a hammer. 
Well, that would be quieter than this kid running on the treadmill!
I'm not kidding. The sound echoed throughout the whole fitness center. 

The husband ended up on the elliptical next to me (which almost never happens). We caught each other's eye a few minutes into this kid's run and I could barely keep a straight face. I kept giggling at random intervals, whenever listening to the kid run got to be too much. 

I watched him out of the corner of my eye for awhile, trying to figure out how exactly he was able to get it to make so much noise. I have no idea what the hell he was doing. 

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


Imagine if you will, a cold, cold, cold Wisconsin morning.

You go to the cupboard to choose something to bring for lunch... ah, there is that cup of beef and barley stew you could bring with you. You've never had it before, but it sounds really good on such a cold day.

You are working very hard and as a result you have to eat a late lunch. So, you are quite hungry when you manage to get your lunch to the microwave, which you begin to heat, following the directions exactly. Exactly.

Remove plastic lid. Remove metal lid. Replace plastic lid, heat for 1 minute. Remove plastic lid, stir. Without lid, continue to heat for 30 to 45 seconds.

Only... wait! 15 seconds into "continue to heat for 30 to 45 seconds" your soup explodes and tips over in the microwave.

Soup. Is. Everywhere.

You spend the next ten minutes with some douche bag watching as you clean out the microwave. You clean out the microwave the best you can with extremely limited supplies. You have beef and barley stew all over your fucking hands, but sadly, very little left in your cup of soup. You "enjoy" the soup you managed to salvage which is now cold, because you are terrified to throw it back in the microwave.

I don't have to imagine it. I lived it. You now have a recap of the last 15 minutes of my life. Boooooooooo!

No lunch + It's snowing outside = The Universe hates me today

Monday, December 15, 2008


Christmas, according to my television, is all about presents and rampant consumerism. 

A lot of people seem to get caught up in this holiday for all the wrong reasons. And by all the wrong reasons, I don't really mean the presents. Like most things in life, it's not the thing itself, it's the idea behind the thing that usually gets off course. 

I was reading a blog this morning and I couldn't help but think, really that is what's wrong with Christmas. Kids making their mother buy back the gift cards she got for them? Are you kidding me? 

Maybe it's just me. For me, gift giving is an act of love. The gift itself isn't the point. It's the fact that I spent time, effort and money on you. (The money being the least important component.) I thought about you. I thought about what you like. I thought about what you would like. I thought about how I feel about you and what you mean to me. 

When I get a gift from you, I hope that you've done the same. 

When I talk to people about this holiday, so many people are just focused on getting everyone on their lists checked off. I know, I feel the pressure too. But, if you can, just take a moment and think about why those people are on your list at all. 

It's a lean year. The husband and I spent less on Christmas this year, than we have for many, many years, but we didn't skimp out on the important part.

What brought all this on?
I came home tonight and found a box of apples and pears from my grandfather. It made me smile. Heck, it almost made me cry. 

He was thinking about me.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

For the Record

Since, it doesn't happen very often I just wanted to record the effort. 
I was TOTALLY a good wife today. 

We had a bunch of friends over this weekend. Yesterday, the girls and I all pretended that we're domesticated Betty Crocker types and baked tons of cookies and made some candy and fudge for Christmas. Then, after our intrepid baking adventure I made dinner for everyone. There was some wine involved and we played some games after dinner, so the dishes were piled high and left overnight. 

This morning, the husband wanted to get the dishes done so he could watch the Packer game when it came on at noon. 
Brace yourselves.

I helped him do the dishes. 
He washed, I dried. 
I have no idea what came over me. 
I even wiped down the counter tops. 

In case the husband ever forgets, now I'll have a written record to remind him with.

Friday, December 12, 2008

All the cool kids have their names embroidered on their black belts in Japanese...

"...and I want to be one of the cool kids." - GameBoy.

My response- "Me too."

GameBoy was explaining to me why he was photo copying his certificate of accomplishment from his dojo. They needed his name in Japanese to embroider on his black belt, you see.

These are the kind of conversations you get to have when you work at a tech company with software developers.

What?? Shut up!
You know you wish you were one of the cool kids, too.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Goodbye, English Rose

Things are a-changin' at my place of employment.
I have worked there for 4 years and 5 months.
For the last 4 years and 4 months, the Hammer has been my fearless leader.
We've been through our ups and our downs.
He used to really, really get on my nerves sometimes. Especially in the beginning when he was just figuring out the whole leadership thing.
Over the years, we've gotten used to one another. He knows my strengths and weaknesses and I know his. I know when to take him seriously and when he's being unintentionally offensive.

The Hammer isn't going away. He's still going to be a fearless leader, just not my fearless leader.

It's hard to know if this is a good change or a bad change. Maybe it's neither, maybe it's just plain old change. We'll see.

Goodbye, Hammer. We had a good run. See ya around the office.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Christmas Cards

I'm officially done with my Christmas cards. 
They've been addressed, stickered, stamped and signed. 
This year we're sending out 34 cards. 
34! I can't believe we know 34 people to send out cards to!

I'm kind of sick of Christmas cards. 
Addressing, stickering, stamping and signing all 34 of them was kind of a pain in the ass. 

The good news is that right now, is the longest time until I have to fill out Christmas cards again. 

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

The Husband, Slaughterer of Mice

The husband is a slaughterer of mice. 
We had mice in the basement. The husband wanted them out of the house. 
I agreed, but I wanted him to catch and release the little buggers.

I'm not big on killing anything really. 
I catch and release bugs, even ones that I think are gross. 
I just can't be responsible for snuffing out their little lives. 
I know, but I'm a soft touch, I can't help it. 
Plus, I think mice are kind of cute... in a don't touch me or live in my house kind of way. 

The husband "tried" the humane trap for a week and then proclaimed that they "don't work" and used a regular mouse trap. He caught one that way. I try not to think about it because it kind of makes me sad. 
I went down in the basement tonight and the humane trap had caught a mouse, but because the husband never checks it the poor thing died, probably of starvation or dehydration. 
Poor, sad mouse.

I don't want to kill any more mice.  
I'm not sure why it's the husband's fault, but I'm pretty sure it is. 
He'd definitely be the villain in a children's story about a mouse. 
My mean, ole husband, the mouse slayer. 

The husband can't help killing mice. 
I can't help not wanting him to and feeling bad about it.
This is what we call an impasse. 

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Love Actually

The husband and I watched Love Actually this evening.
I am just chock full of the kind of warm, fuzzies that this movie always gives me.
At this moment, I love puppies and rainbows and babies... and I love, love this movie. 

The music is amazing.
Emma Thompson is brilliant, as per usual for her.
Wisconsin girls (for once) are skewed towards being portrayed as hotties.
"Kids, don't buy drugs. Become a pop star and they give them to you for free." - Billy Mack
"To me, you are perfect..." - Mark
Did I mention I love this movie?

There is only one problem with it and it bothers me every time I watch. 
Sarah's (Laura Linney) story. 
I get it; she loves her brother.
I love my siblings. 
I even have a certain amount of experience with sacrificing a piece of your own happiness for that of your siblings. 
I might help them cover up a murder. I would definitely take in their crack babies. 
But, if I had the opportunity to sleep with a man I had secretly been in love with for 2 years 7 months 3 days and 2 hours, then I would shut my cell phone off.
Their problems would still be there when we're done, right?
So, what's the harm?

I don't mean to burst your bubble if you thought otherwise, but there you have it. 

Not Miserable

Yesterday was terrible. 
Have you ever been really, really tired, but unable to sleep?
That was most of yesterday for me, plus, you know, being sick. 
I would nod off for maybe a half-hour, but it was a restless sleep.

Last night, it finally happened. I finally managed to fall asleep.
And sleep I did, for about 12 hours or so. 

I feel so much better today.
Not perfect, but not miserable.
Given how I felt yesterday, I will happily take not miserable. 

Friday, December 5, 2008

Looks like Hell

I must look like hell today.
My co-workers keep commenting on it.

GameBoy: You look terrible.
Thanks GB! He wasn't even trying to be mean. There was sympathy in his voice when he said it.

The Saint: Umm... you just look really, really tired.
At least she tried to be diplomatic!

I feel a little better (throat's not so scratchy and I'm not as cold), but I'm just so fucking exhausted I can barely function. It sucks because the husband and I had to cancel our date night tonight. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next couple of hours at work before I go home, there's no way I can handle going to dinner and shopping with the husband.

Bright side? We need to clean the house before mr & mrs blume and family arrive next weekend. If I don't feel better, it may end up being a one man operation. Sorry husband, once again, you drew the short stick.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Sick, sick, sick

I think I might be getting sick.
My bones feel tired. I just want to lay down my head on my desk and go to sleep.
Also, the back of my throat is kind of scratchy. And I'm cold.

However, I can't take off from work even if I am sick since we have a deadline on the 18th.
Plus, the husband and I have a little date night planned for tomorrow night that I'm kind of excited about.

Really, what I'd love at this point, is a pause button. I could hit Pause, work this illness out of my system and then press Play when I'm ready to get back in the game.

Since that isn't an option, I'm just going to pretend it's not happening. Maybe it will go away.
The power of positive thinking?

I am not sick.
I am feeling better every minute that passes.

Or something like that.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Christmas Card!

There was a Christmas card in our mailbox today!
Unfortunately, it was not for us, but for the people who used to own our house.
You moved over 3 years ago!!
Update your family and friends with your new address already.

Note: This is not a unique occurrence. It's not all the time, but I'd say we get something for them every so often.

They loved catalogs. Boring catalogs.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


On Top Chef last week, one of the teams named themselves "The Cougars" after one of the ladies, who is in her early 40s.
She seemed flattered.
When I get to be her age, would I find it flattering to be called a cougar?
Not sure.
But, if someone called me a cougar today, I would punch them in the mouth.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Pleasant Surprise

Plan for the worst, hope for the best is usually my favorite course of action.
So, in preparation for going to the gym tonight I set my expectations low.

I was prepared for it to be overcrowded with the most annoying of the temporary gym goers. Instead of the usual type with a short-lived desire to "get into shape", the post-Thanksgiving gym goers are merely there to do penance and assuage some gluttonous guilt. 

I tried to be good-ish on Thanksgiving, but I didn't really deny myself anything. So, I was prepared to pay the price for my own sins. 

However, I was pleasantly surprised. The gym was at pretty average capacity, and I got to use my favorite treadmill. Yay! PLUS, instead of gaining holiday weight, I lost 0.8 lbs. 

The human body is a fucked up thing. I keep trying to figure it out. I keep trying to make it make sense, but it doesn't. 

I can be good for weeks on end and everything stays the same. I'm moderate to bad for two days and there's a loss?

The Upside/Downside (depending on your point of view) to having a good night at the gym?
I was actually smiling, so three or four people said hello to me. Sigh.
This may have set back my image as an unfriendly badass for years. For years!

Lunch with Natalie

My friend, JR, sent me a link to this video today embedded in an appointment request for the two of us to go to lunch. Hilarious!
Although I think this might make him slightly evil! :)

Hmm... do you think he's trying to tell me something?