Moving Along

Things have changed so much in the last few weeks, I hardly know where to begin. The husband (possibly the soon-to-be-ex-husband?) moved out.

A few people know the whole, long painful story of my side of what happened. Most don't. Most won't ever. Some, because I can't really see the day when I lay my heart open for everyone to see and judge. Some, because I don't want them caught in the middle of he said/she said between us.

He is not a bad person. He did not mistreat me.
We are not a good couple.
We have spent a lot of years fighting and being unhappy.
I want to change that. I want both of us to be happy.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry if I caused you any pain.
I'm sorry if I caused him any pain.

This is not what either of us ever wanted or intended. But, at this point, it is what it is.

In some ways, this whole series of events has been a pleasant surprise. (What?!?) Everyone, so far, has been supportive and kind. I feel less alone now than I have in years. So, if it applies, thank you for that.

I'm not sure what this journey is going to bring. But, I'll keep you posted.

That Was Unexpected!

Today was my first real yoga class. Sist-A and I went to a Yoga 101 seminar on Saturday where you learn some of the positions, vocabulary and philosophy, but that was nothing like today.

I have to admit, going into it, I thought it would be easy. I thought it would be a lot of stretching and flexibility stuff, but I didn't think it was going to be a challenge. I'm utterly delighted to find it otherwise. It's exactly what I was looking for when I took that failure of a water aerobics class. 

Things that made me pretty happy about this yoga class:

• To my surprise, I actually broke a sweat
• At one point, my thighs were only holding me up through sheer force of will
• Despite how hard it was, I was still able to go running afterwards
• Turns out that zen hoo-hah stuff actually works. I thought it was kind of crap as she started out with it, but as she talked us through visualizing our stress being released, I felt little pockets of stress in my back give way. Honestly, I didn't even realize they were they until I relaxed.

All in all, I'm calling it a win...

... hopefully, I'm still going to be able to walk tomorrow. 

Hardware Throwdown

So, as some of you know, I've been renovating my upstairs half-bath. (It's step one in my plan to renovate my house and then eventually take over the world.) I've been busy removing hideous wallpaper, repainting and whatnot. I have some ideas in mind for some other things to change, and to that end I've been scouting out options at the hardware store.

I've bought everything so far from the Ace Hardware in Monroe, but it's a teeny, tiny store, and thus doesn't meet many renovating needs beyond the basics. Ace is sweet and I try to spend local whenever I can, but for the most part, Ace was knocked out before he even entered the ring.

Last Friday, the husband and I went over to Home Depot. Home Depot seems like the lux of the hardware store world. It's pretty and clean. It's displays are pretty slick. Their commercials are everywhere (did you know TONS of Olympic athletes work at Home Depot? Side note: this makes me sad for them).

Today, I stopped by Menards. I've always had a bias against Menards. I've thought of it as the "ghetto" hardware store. It's floor is weird. It kind of smells funny. And their commercials are too loud. When we first moved here, the parents spent some time in Menards picking out light fixtures. It took too long and I was really fucking thirsty by the time we left, so every time I think of Menards I get thirsty. I've avoided that place for years, due to that fact alone.

Yet, the winner between the two for home renovating needs and selection is Menards. By a clear fucking mile. In fact, I spit on Home Depot and it's poor selection. It's like some "inspirational" sports movie. Menards is the underdog, scrappy with bruises and scars all over his face and every one underestimates him. Home Depot is the pretty boy every one bets on and he spends most of his time winking at pretty girls from the ring. Yet, when they go glove to glove, Menards is the one left standing.

I was so disappointed after going to Home Depot last week, that I considered giving up some of the bigger changes I wanted to make to the bathroom if it was going to be this giant pain in the ass that I was going to have to pay someone else tons of money to special order and then do for me (it's only fun if I can do most of it myself). But, after my little jaunt to Menards, I'm re-energized. We'll have to save up some money, but the costs aren't unreasonable and in the end I think it will be something I'll really love.

Excited

Randomly, my dear friend mrs blume emailed me that she and the mr were thinking about taking a quick vacation someplace warm and would we be interested. 

Our answer, naturally, was 'hell yes!!!'

I am so ready for someplace warm.

I'm not sure we've settled completely on a destination or not. It's hard to tell when I all I have is secondhand information from the husband, but we've been in talks about possibly San Antonio. 

I'm pretty excited about this turn of events. I'm excited about going anywhere that won't involve me being cold most of the day. I swear the only time I'm not cold on any given day is when I'm at the gym. 

I keep daydreaming about sunshine. This is going to be fun.

Standing on the Precipice of History

Today is Martin Luther King day. A day we celebrate to commemorate a great man, who had a great vision of what this country could be, what humanity could be. I watched his "I have a dream" speech on YouTube, which is sort of tradition for me on this holiday. What amazes me is that no matter how many times I watch it, it never fails to affect me. 

Tomorrow is Obama's inauguration. It's an exciting time to be an American. It feels like we are coming out of the dark and into the light. 

I have so much hope for this man. I hope he is a man of intelligence, integrity and foresight. I hope he will restore this country to rights. It is a large job, but I believe he can do it. 

He isn't the realization of MLK's dream, but he is proof that it is possible. It is coming. It will happen. There is hope. 

I hope that tomorrow is not remembered as the day the first African-American became president of the United States, but as the turning point for this country. The day when change started. The day that led to America living up to her full potential. 

Only time will tell, but for now, I have hope.

Infomercial

As a part of the television generation, you would think that I would be more immune to infomercials. I see a lot of infomercials at the gym, so maybe watching them without sound makes them more potent. 

Or maybe I'm just a schmuck. 

Anyway, they've been going crazy with the commercials for the Strap Perfect. (www.strapperfect.com) 

There's a little part of me that keeps going, 'That looks cool. I should totally get one!"

The rest of me keeps telling that part to shut up. 

I don't know... it does look kind of cool though. 

Let's not talk about Bendaroos.

Christmas Cards

I'm officially done with my Christmas cards. 

They've been addressed, stickered, stamped and signed. 

This year we're sending out 34 cards. 

34! I can't believe we know 34 people to send out cards to!

I'm kind of sick of Christmas cards. 

Addressing, stickering, stamping and signing all 34 of them was kind of a pain in the ass. 

The good news is that right now, is the longest time until I have to fill out Christmas cards again. 

Yay!

Sick, sick, sick

I think I might be getting sick.
My bones feel tired. I just want to lay down my head on my desk and go to sleep.
Also, the back of my throat is kind of scratchy. And I'm cold.

However, I can't take off from work even if I am sick since we have a deadline on the 18th.
Plus, the husband and I have a little date night planned for tomorrow night that I'm kind of excited about.

Really, what I'd love at this point, is a pause button. I could hit Pause, work this illness out of my system and then press Play when I'm ready to get back in the game.

Since that isn't an option, I'm just going to pretend it's not happening. Maybe it will go away.
The power of positive thinking?

I am not sick.
I am feeling better every minute that passes.

Or something like that.

Pleasant Surprise

Plan for the worst, hope for the best is usually my favorite course of action.

So, in preparation for going to the gym tonight I set my expectations low.

I was prepared for it to be overcrowded with the most annoying of the temporary gym goers. Instead of the usual type with a short-lived desire to "get into shape", the post-Thanksgiving gym goers are merely there to do penance and assuage some gluttonous guilt. 

I tried to be good-ish on Thanksgiving, but I didn't really deny myself anything. So, I was prepared to pay the price for my own sins. 

However, I was pleasantly surprised. The gym was at pretty average capacity, and I got to use my favorite treadmill. Yay! PLUS, instead of gaining holiday weight, I lost 0.8 lbs. 

The human body is a fucked up thing. I keep trying to figure it out. I keep trying to make it make sense, but it doesn't. 

I can be good for weeks on end and everything stays the same. I'm moderate to bad for two days and there's a loss?

The Upside/Downside (depending on your point of view) to having a good night at the gym?

I was actually smiling, so three or four people said hello to me. Sigh.

This may have set back my image as an unfriendly badass for years. For years!

Beautiful... and sad

The last couple of days have been gorgeous. 

The skies have been clear and the temperatures warm.

But, there is always some wistfulness when you have a beautiful day this time of year.

This feeling that you had better savor it as much as possible, because it might be the last of the beautiful days for awhile. 

And also some hope, that it might last just a little bit longer.

Well, well

Things have been looking up since lunch.

I was on track to have a crappy day.
My slap in the face raise, which was almost worse than nothing at all.
I got a paper cut... because my company insists on giving me a fake pay slip telling me to seek out my real pay slip. Stupid fucking waste of paper that cut my finger.
We have a deadline at work, that I am recently not that motivated to meet.
One of the projects I am working on is not going as well as I might like and it's making me uneasy.
My new eyeshadow which is specifically not supposed to crease, was creased by 9AM... that's fucking ridiculous.
Etc... there have been other things, but (perhaps contrary to popular belief) I don't take note of every crappy little thing that happens to me in a day.

Then after lunch one of my favorite coworker, FancyTalker came into talk to me about some questions they had. It was a relief to talk about problems that weren't mine and FT generally always makes me laugh. It's hard to hold onto grimness and anger when you laugh.

My load is lightened, if not relieved.

It's amazing how the smallest things can have an impact on your outlook and just turn your day around.

Hope for the Future

Please let this man be the next President of the United States of America.
He gives me hope, which can be a beautiful thing.

Being a political science major in college, I take politics quite seriously. You will never hear me use the phrase, "I believe..." lightly. It's hard for me to pay attention to politics sometimes because it means too much, the stakes are too high and the failures too spectacular.

Our country has failed to live up to its potential over the last 8 years... in some ways even longer.

We went from a booming economy and a balanced budget to recession, joblessness, and a great big whopping deficit.

Our government smiles and nods as our jobs are shipped over seas.

The disparity between the rich and poor grows larger and larger. What does anyone gain if the middle class disappears?

Our leaders have allowed torture as a part of national security. There is a line. A clear demarcation between those who torture and those who don't. Why are we on the wrong side of this line? Why is our country okay with this?

I believe in what America tries to stand for. I believe all people are created equal. I believe in freedom. I believe that Americans can be a compassionate, generous people who want to do the right thing.

I wrote and deleted a paragraph about the dark side of what I believe about what the people of this nation are capable of, but this is not the post for that. This is a post of hope.

For me, it all goes back to my father. When it came to making decisions he would always say, "you should do the right thing, because it is the right thing to do." Meaning don't do it because you expect some benefit for yourself, but because it is right.

What is right means different things to different people. To me, it means that we take care of people. Children are fed, clothed, housed and have access to a quality education. They have the tools at their disposal to CHOOSE their path. The sick are nursed. The hungry are fed. Men, women, black, white, gay, straight, every one is treated equally, whether this is pay or the opportunity to marry the one you love.

For the first time in awhile, I have have hope that we can be better, that things will be better, if only this man is elected President.

It is with a mixture of terror and hope that I will watch the next few months unfold.

Please let this man be the next President of the United States of America.

Shopping, Shopping and more Shopping

Sist-A and I went shopping today. I really wanted a chance to go before our trip to Hawaii.
It was a lot of fun. Sist-A is tons of fun to shop with. We like all the same stores and types of clothes. The only time this is a problem is when one of us races towards a new shirt, so we can claim it before the other one does.

This doesn't always work. Like when we shop separately.
We both showed up to shop today in blue jeans, a white cami and green American Eagle "favorite" t-shirts. Granted her cami had lace on it, and mine was a slightly darker shade of green, but still basically the same.
We walked around like twins until I "accidentally" spilled some soup on my shirt at lunch and changed into one of them I bought today.
I would love to pretend I did that on purpose, but I think we all know I'm just a klutz.

Still, it was lots of fun today and I got some cute clothes for Hawaii.

We met up with my step-mom to show at DSW after we were done shopping for clothes and closed down the store. We were checking out after the store "officially" closed. In our defense, they never said anything to us AND we did buy a lot of shoes.
Between us we bought 17 pairs of shoes.
4 for Sist-A.
5 for me.
8 for Fern.
Sounds crazy, right?
Sounds like a lot of shoes?
*Sigh* It was AWESOME!

I got a fantastic new pair of heels and I just love them!
If I weren't already engaged to the mashed potatoes in New Glarus, I would marry them.
I may be a bit capricious, but I'm not that bad!

All in all a pretty good day and now I'm better prepared for the big Hawaiian vacation coming up.
Are you all as psyched about that as I am?
I thought so. :)

Good Cause

My step-mom is doing a MS walk this weekend. If you feel like donating some money to a good cause, because perhaps you feel guilty about something you might have said to someone with MS *ahem* or just because you want to feel like a good person today, I've included some information about the event and how you can donate. :)

Every hour of every day, someone is diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS). That's why Michelle registered for the Wisconsin, Madison - Walk MS 2008, and why I'm asking you to support her fund raising efforts with a tax-deductible donation.

The National Multiple Sclerosis Society - Wisconsin Chapter is dedicated to ending the devastating effects of MS, but they can't do it without our help. It's faster and easier than ever to support this cause that's so important to me. Simply click on the link at the bottom of this message. If you prefer, you can send your contribution to the address listed below.

Any amount, great or small, helps to make a difference in the lives of people with MS. I appreciate your support and look forward to letting you know how she does.

P.S. If you would like more information about the National Multiple Sclerosis Society - Wisconsin Chapter, how proceeds from the Walk MS are used, or the other ways you can get involved in the fight against MS, please visit http://www.wisms.org/.

Click here to visit my personal page.If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Walk/WIGWalkEvents?px=4923564&pg=personal&fr_id=8260&s_tafId=69780