Here's the thing. I get it. I get why they would be angry. They erroneously believe that their dad loves me and my sister more than them. Which is just pure crap, but they seem disinclined to give their dad any slack. Their dad left their mom for my mom. They believe their dad chose my mom over them.
The last reason, in my humble opinion, is the most important. Again, I get it. If Sis-C or I had forced the choice, we believe Mom would have chosen him over us. It stings.
The difference is that we got over it. We didn't force her to choose. We decided that we'd rather have our mother in our lives than to hold a grudge. We even accepted our step-dad into our lives. Which isn't to say there wasn't any fall out or that there wasn't any damage done.
We have 10 years of memories to keep with us. We've had our ups and downs, like any family, but there have been plenty of good times over the last decade. They have nothing, but hurt feelings and anger.
It didn't have to be that way. Exhibit A: The other side of my family. We're the fucking Brady bunch. We get along. We love each other. Hell, we don't even use the whole "step" appellation with one another. We're family.
It makes me sad for his kids. We all make choices and we have to live with the consequences, for better or worse. I doubt they have ever considered the choices that they've made. It's so much easier to lay blame than to take responsibility.
5 comments:
Not that it's my place...but if they feel abandoned (were they young) it will not go away. Hurt gets disguised as anger.
They were around the same age as my sister and I aka our teens.
Regardless of age, at some point you have to make a choice. Childhood can leave scars that last a lifetime, trust me, I have more than a few of my own. But, we all have to choose how those scars affect our lives.
You can be hurt and angry, full of venom and spite (aka step-dad's kids) or you can choose to let it go.
They have screwed themselves and him out of a meaningful relationship all so they can hold on to something evil, hateful and mean.
Personally, I don't want to give someone else that much control over me.
It's been 10 years. I think it's time to let the wound heal already. It may always smart when you poke it, it's not like C and I don't have the exact same wounds they have, but if you let it, it will heal enough that you can live with it and not have to think about it.
If they want to spend the rest of their lives laying blame and making themselves miserable over this, then so be it. It is their choice after all.
On the lighter side, you got me out of all of this - they weren't so lucky. Maybe you should feel for them since they don't get to have me for a relative like you do!! :)
Um, I like to think you got me.
Agreed. 1) We are like the modern Brady Bunch :). 2) Hurt comes across as anger. You can let it eat you up or deal with it. 3) At some point you decide if you want your first 18 years of life to determine your last 70 years... or if you want to take steps to change and deal with the hurt.
I love you. Sorry his kids are hurting, but I'm glad I got you and C out of the deal!
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