You Know You're Not Fooling Anyone, Right?

I don't watch Jon and Kate + 8.
She's bossy and mean. He's weak and boring.
Together they produced a hell of a lot of kids.
Snooze.

But, how can you stay away from the media storm the break up of their marriage is creating? It's salacious. It's fame, sex, money and lies. It's awesome.
In an, 'oh those poor children' kind of way, but awesome, nonetheless.

They're trying to convince us they're still together.
Yet, they spent her birthday apart. His trip out to Utah "just happened" to fall on her birthday?
I call bullshit on that one. You don't just happen to make other plans on your wife's birthday. This is a major relationship no-no. You especially don't make other plans to hang out with a girl you got tabloid busted for possibly having an affair.
There is trying to convince us that you're still together for the sake of the show and blah, blah, blah, whatever. Then, there is insulting.

Really, the hard part to believe is that someone would want to have an affair with either one of them. They've got 8 kids. If I were single, I don't think that kids would be a deal breaker. One or two little steps running around seems like it would be manageable. But, eight? That's a whole lot of baggage. I guess you can never really underestimate how low people are willing to sink for a little bit of fame-whore action.

Who's ya daddy?

And in other food related news...

I was watching Dinner: Impossible tonight on the Food Network.

Robert Irvine had to create a gourmet dinner for 200 using only ballpark food by the seventh inning stretch.

One of the dishes he created was brats with American cheese rolled up in a tortilla and fried on the grill.

That sounds DISGUSTING. 

Yuck. Who eats a brat with cheese? 

Double yuck for using American cheese. 

Brats and cheese? That's just wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. 

Don't get me wrong, I like cheese. Cheese and I are buddies. We pal around.

But, there are certain things that you don't eat with cheese.

Brats are one of them. 

Fail, Robert Irvine. Go back to the drawing board. 

And FYI, you cannot call anything that uses American cheese "gourmet."

Sorry, but I'm pretty sure it's one of the laws of the universe. See, it's listed right there after gravity.

Amazing Cakes

I like cake-related television.

I TiVO Ace of Cakes on the Food Network. They make some kick-ass cakes.

If Food Network Challenge is on, I'll turn it on because pretty often, it's some sort of insane cake decorating contest. 

So, when my TiVO recorded Amazing Wedding Cakes on WE, I was all "boo-yah!" 

I spoke too soon.

Amazing Wedding Cakes seems to be about two, possibly three, wedding cake shops going about their business. Not all wedding cake shops are built the same apparently. 

Where Duff and crew (Ace of Cakes) are good natured and up for any challenge, these women are a bunch of neurotic, perfectionist, drama queen, whiny bitches. Blech. 

At Cake Girls, the bakery in Chicago, the customer called to change their order about a week before it was due (the husband-to-be made the call without consulting his wife-to-be) and they bitched and moaned and bagged on their customer, more than once, and in essence called them stupid. 

I didn't know it was possible to dislike a show about cakes. 

Suck it, Amazing Wedding Cakes! You ruined the un-ruinable. 

What the hell is wrong with you? You should be ashamed of yourself.

You Know It's True

The husband says it's mean, but I don't care. It might be mean, but it's also true.

The blind guy on American Idol just isn't that good. His voice is mediocre at best and he probably wouldn't be here if he wasn't blind. Can we just get over that already and let him go home?

Or at a minimum get a haircut? He probably won't notice and his crazy hair is driving me nuts.

Kris Allen, on the other hand, is an adorable little monkey. 

I want to put him in my pocket and carry him around. 

He can hang out there with Bob Costas. Have you ever seen a more perfect pocket-sized man than Bob Costas? Kris could sing to me and Bob could tell me how the scenery is majestic and the athletes are triumphant. 

It would be awesome.

Snow Day!

Due to no visibility and shitty road conditions, I am forced to work from home today. Poor me?

I've got no deadlines coming up, so I'm just dicking around and cleaning up those tasks that fall by the wayside when I'm under the pressure of a deadline. If there were a perfect day to have a snow day, this would be it. 

Wait! Who is that old lady on my couch watching NCIS all day?

Oh, right. It's me. 

Ever since I was sick a month or so ago, I cannot get enough of NCIS. I don't know why. It fulfills the 80 year-old buried deep within my soul. Apparently. 

NCIS is the new JAG. What? All the 80-year-olds are doing it! 

I don't have time for this. A naval officer has either committed a crime, gone missing or been murdered, I have to go. I'm missing it. 

Top Chef-iness

Top Chef is back for a fifth season. 

It's usually only after the season is over that I can finally enjoy these first couple of episodes when it's all chaotic and there are too many chefs to keep track of. 

There were two chefs kicked off last week and I can't even remember them. 

I like the Europeans so far. They are very confident, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I loved Hung from Season 3 and Marcel from Season 2, so clearly an unrealistic, absolute belief in one's talents isn't a deal breaker for me. 

So far, I find Fabio charming. We'll see. After awhile the whole "Team Europe" thing may grate, but so far I dig it.

I also dig the adorable tattooed lesbian, Jamie, the tattooed hard-knock kid, Eugene, and the big dopey guy Hosea. 

I'm undecided on Carla. 

On the one hand, she's bat shit crazy. 

On the other hand, she's bat shit crazy.

She kind of creeps me out though, so I'm leaning towards nay, but who can tell?

I do not dig Ariane. She wants to know if "she's as good as everyone says she is."

She's been on the bottom for two challenges in a row.

Padma spit out her food.

Padma never spits out the food. 

Hmmm... I have a sneaking suspicion that you are not as good as everyone says you are. 

Jill left the show this week and she probably won't be missed. However, watching her attempt to crack those ostrich eggs was the highlight of this week's Top Chef for me. 

Reunited and it feels so good!

I was catching up on my Heroes last night by watching the season premiere.

Veronica Mars (Kristen Bell) and Weevil (Francis Capra IV) in the same television show again.

That may be too awesome for my brain to comprehend.

Yay!

It's like rainbow, puppies and peanut butter all got together and made a wonderful, gooey baby of happiness that is full of sunshine and all things good.

A flutter

"Look there he goes
Isn't he dreamy?
Oh he's so cute.
Be still my heart
I'm hardly breathing
He's such a tall, dark, strong and handsome brute!"

I'm all a-flutter.
When I got the email saying that he was coming, my heart skipped a beat.
Who's my tall, dark, strong and handsome Romeo?
Dexter!

Season 2 (finally!!) came out on DVD and Season 2 Disk 1 is en route to my house from Netflix as I type. Season 1 was one of the best seasons of television that I have ever seen. I hope this doesn't mean my expectations for Season 2 are too high.

If you have already seen it, TELL ME NOTHING.
Seriously, I don't want to know if it's good or bad or ANYTHING.
If you spoil Dexter for me, I'm probably going to have to hurt you.
And that would be sad for you and me.
Mostly you.

Dexter, Dexter, Dexter...

McCain

I feel bad. I didn't watch much of his speech tonight and supposedly I care about this stuff.
I watched for a few minutes, but I kept screaming "Liar" at the tv Carol Kane style ala Princess Bride.
My blood pressure started rising and I was muttering under my breath.
So, I gave up and watched Kitchen Nightmares instead.
Man that Gordon Ramsey is something.
He loves to curse more than I do, which is really saying something.
Other people get to zen watching puppies or rainbows or some crap like that. Me? Watching Gordon Ramsey curse is like taking a breath of fresh air.

McCain who?

Double Standards

Jon Stewart is awesome.
That is beautiful. Hypocrisy in this age of media seems so dangerous, yet so rampant.



P.S. Thanks D

Dancing with the Stars

I don't normally watch this show. The husband and I tried once, but we got bored and quit watching it.

However! I was looking over the list of who is going to be on the show for this next season and there are a lot of boring people that I don't care about, but MSN feels I should like Susan Lucci (meh), Toni Braxton (double-meh) and Lance Bass (I repeat, meh). But, then down further I come to find out Rocco DiSpirito is going to be on Dancing with the Stars!!!

I'm a little bit of a Top Chef nerd, so I was kind of excited to see Rocco's going to be on DwtS.

Rocco DiSpirito! Architect of the following zinger, "His gnocchi aren't the only thing that are dense around here... "

Oooh. Burn!

Maybe he's no Anthony Bourdain, but still you can't fault the guy for trying and in truth the dude he was talking about WAS really, really dumb.

So, I'm not sure I can commit to a season of this show, but I might (maybe) tune in to see the cooking all-star take a turn about the floor.

**Disclaimer** I'm never sure how sarcastic these posts are rendered, so I wanted to be clear. Rocco's zinger? Kind of lame. Rocco being on DWTS? Kind of awesome. I really am kind of excited about it.

Oh, Dale!

Dale, you bonehead!
What did you do?
I still have mad Dale-love for you, but nominating yourself as executive chef on that team was nothing less than suicidal!
Let's face it, Lisa stinks. Her bitch-face gets worse and worse every week.

(aside: On the other hand, however, her array of excuses for why her failures aren't her fault are becoming funnier and funnier every week. She made two horrible dishes because you (Dale) were a terrible leader? Ha! I think not, Lisa! You made terrible dishes because you're not really as great as you think you are.)

So, Dale, it would have been the much craftier option to allow Lisa to take the reins and if her bitch-face ruined everything, then she would have been more likely to go home than you.
Finally, Spike's "craftiness" and "scheming" paid off when he managed to distance himself from you two by taking front of the house.

Really, Spike lucked out on that one. His decor sucked (according to the judges, not being there I couldn't really tell over the telly) and more importantly, he didn't cook anything.
He mentioned that a couple of the recipes were his, but it didn't seem as though he was actually responsible for any of the food.

Any other year, he would have been called out for that.

Stephanie was also front of the house and she managed to put together a linguine and clams dish as well as a weird savory dessert, that I will be taking their word on as good.

So, no big surprise I think Spike kind of sucked.
Can I tell you a secret though?
Only if you promise to never bring it up again!
Spike kind of looked handsome in his suit without all his douchebaggy hats.
Okay, there you go, I admitted it.
I feel dirty.
Let's move on.

Antonia, although I am still not a fan, is one smart cookie. She kicked butt in the short order kitchen and as a result got to pick her own crew. Why wouldn't she pick Stephanie and Richard?
Stephanie is consistently at the top (a few misfires on her part, but she's recovered well).
Richard is consistently at the top (a few misfires on his part, but he's recovered well).
Both seem fairly laid back to work with.
Richard even got along with Dale for pity sake!
Dale's the only one from the other team that should have even been considered and I would have rejected him too as he has been difficult to work with in the past (sorry, Dale).

I'm disappointed Dale went home. He really went home over one bad decision rather than because he isn't a good enough chef to be Top Chef. Dale is much more talented than both Spike and Lisa and I would have rather seen him butt heads with Stephanie, Richard and Antonia in the finale than either of those two.

Also, did anyone else notice them all holding hands in the preview for next week?
Ha ha ha!
That's ridiculous.

I'll be bummed if Stephanie, Richard or Antonia does something stupid next week (a la Dale) and allows both Spike and Lisa into the final four. (Boo, just to the idea!)

Again?!?

My TiVO has now fucked with me two nights in a row.
Yesterday it didn't record American Idol.
I made sure it was set to record American Idol today.
I made it through all 2 hours of the drivel filler that they add to the finale.
And the winner is...
David...
*Boing*
The recording is done.
Are you kidding me?
You have 2 frigging hours and you can't announce the winner within the allotted time frame?
Damn you, American Idol!

But, on the positive side David Cook won.
Yay! He has been my favorite for quite a while.
He is the more deserving of the two and much more likely to be successful.
Archuleta is a talented kid, but he scares me a little bit.
His dad is kinda crazy. I don't want that kid to go all Britney on us, so maybe it's better for him that he get to grow up a little bit.
I will cop to Imagine melting my cold, cold heart into a little puddle.

However, over the whole season, David Cook has been better... no question.
Always be my baby
Hello
Billie Jean
Eleanor Rigby
All I really need is you
etc.

versus

Angels
Imagine

I can't believe I watched a whole frigging season of American Idol only to miss the final performances AND the announced winner!!

Stupid TiVO!

I started watching American Idol this year, because there was nothing else on really.
With going to the gym pretty much every night I don't really have the time to be invested in a lot of television, but Jeff and I have been watching American Idol all season.
Last night was the first part of the final two.
David versus David.
I was excited to see it when I came home from the gym.
What I found, was that my TiVO had recorded Reaper instead of American Idol.
Well fuck.
Stupid Reaper.
I don't give a shit what is happening on that show right now.
I guess it's my fault for not checking the to do list and make sure that American Idol was set to record, but it has been recording American Idol for the whole season with no problems.

It's just so... disappointing.
The whole season has been building to this point and I missed it.
Boo. :(

Bitch Face

What is it with chefs on cooking shows owning the worst bitch faces I have ever seen?
If we had an all star bitch face-off, I'm not sure who would win.


And in the right corner, we have Matt from Hell's Kitchen.
Bitch face in the morning.
Bitch face when he's whining.
Bitch face EVEN when he's happy.


And in left corner, we have Lisa from Top Chef.
Bitch face when she's angry.
Bitch face when she's happy.
Bitch face... oh wait. I don't think that's bitch face. I think that might just be her real face.


Let's wait a moment while the judges confer...
...
...

And we have an official announcement.
Well, this is sad. Lisa has been disqualified from this Bitch Face-off because in fact, her always face is a bitch face. Unfortunate... for her, and those of us who have to watch her... but sadly it means she may not, under the rules of the Confederation of the Bitch Face Society of America compete in this contest.

And so the win, for biggest reality cooking tv show bitch face goes to the only man left standing Matt.


On to Top Chef for this evening...


Review of last week... Spike calls Dale a bitch.
How annoying! Shut up, Spike!
What does Spike know about... oh, wait, I forgot about his "bromance" with Mark. Maybe he does know about bitches.
I withdraw my complaint.


Oh, yay! It's Sam.
I was unaccountably excited to see him guest-judge on the show, seeing as he wasn't really my favorite on Season 2. I'm not saying I didn't like him, but meh.


And they are going to make SALAD... woot?

Man, for all that Stephanie is able to whoop up in the Elimination Challenges (sometimes) she just cannot win the QuickFire challenges.


So, Sammy chose Spike to win, huh? Boo.
The salad looked good, but it was Spike, so boo.


Spike's "bonus" is that he gets 10 extra minutes at Whole Foods and whatever his main ingredients are, the others can't use them. So, being that Spike is a douchebag, he chooses ingredients that will screw the others over (rather than choosing ingredients that might make a good dish). But if he had chosen based on taste this show might be about cooking, rather than strategy and that just doesn't gel in Spike's itty-bitty brain.


And then, there's the cooking.

Spike is mocking Richard. Boo Spike. Yay Richard.
Don't hold everyone else to your standards Spike. We can't all be douchebags in hats.


It comes down to Stephanie and Dale in the top spots.
Yay for Stephanie being back on top.
I'm not sorry Dales there, but I have to say Dale's attitude the last few weeks has been wearing on me a little. Lighten up, dude. Smile, just once.
I mean you get to call bitch-face Lisa in to the losers room, can't you just be happy with that?


Ah, the losers.
Spike... have I mentioned boo already? I was kind of hoping his royal-tooliness would be sent home already. He argues with Tommy-boy about the combination of olives and grapes and actually says, "well, that's your opinion" It's all opinion dumbass. It's cooking. It's all subjective. That's why velveeta and lutefisk and other weird foodstuffs even exist, someone, somewhere thinks they taste good.

Lisa, ah bitch face... I can't even hear what she's saying her bitch face is so loud. I think she just threw Andrew under the bus though, he's giving her the laser eyes.

Andrew... sorry you had to go. I liked your intensity, in spite of the fact that you used the words culinary boner, together, in the same sentence. Yuck. I was hoping one of the other two would go away instead. Oh well.

Awww... now I feel bad

So, Syesha's dad is a drug addict? And Syesha being on American Idol is helping keeping him clean?
Well, fuck.
And I couldn't be bothered to think she was anything but boring?
Most of the season I couldn't be bothered to remember that she existed at all.
I feel bad.
Wait! What do I feel bad about again?
Syesha who?

Yay for the Davids! I heart them... but mostly I heart David Cook.

Final Three

American Idol

David A.
First Song: Good, but good Lord it bored me to tears.
Second Song: I actually liked him with this song. It was pretty obvious that he was actually having fun singing it, instead of just being chained down by all this older music that really isn't his thing (personally, I don't mean musically).
Third Song: Is it really any surprise that the producers chose some sappy, ballady drivel for him to sing? This is why I appreciated what he did in round 2. Something different. He's a good singer, but we don't need to hear another ballad every week.

Syesha
First Song: Well sung, but how was that different from the Alicia Keys version? It wasn't. So way to be a copycat Syesha. Laaaaame.
Second Song: Does she even want to make it to the finals? Why the hell would she sing that song in the Final Three on American Idol? Simon was spot on, it was hideous cabaret.
Third Song: Hmm... that was horrible. The question is, is that good news or bad news. People might sympathy vote her now, because it was so awful. She SO does not deserve to be in the final.

David C.
First Song: Pretty good stuff. I liked how it built at the end.
Second Song: Randy was right. It was a little pitchy. But, fuck that, it was also AWESOME! I really enjoyed the way it built to the end. I was pretty down with that song.
Third Song: They chose Aerosmith for him, huh? It definitely suits the tone of his voice. It's unfortunate that they didn't pick a song he could re-invent, since this song is sort of already in his style, but still he rocked it out. LOVE HIM!

Overall, tonight was pretty much what I expected. David C was my fave. David A was good. Syesha is lucky to have made it this far.
Hopefully, we'll see both David's into the finals.

Hell's Kitchen
Man, even when that guy is happy, Matt has the worst kind of bitch face.
I can't believe Roseanne has lasted this long. She doesn't cook very well, if she sends out raw seafood more than once.
Jen pouted her way through service. Ramsay got fed up with her wah-wah and told her to shut it, so she sulked the rest of the night. Dude, you've got to get over it. He yells at everyone. Just get the job done.
Man, Ramsay is not a fan of Ben. But, I kind of agree with him, Ben is lame. He just loves to bitch and moan, but I haven't seen that he's anywhere a decent enough cook to talk the way he does.
So, I guess that's why he went bye-bye.
Here's what I don't understand, how is it strategic for Ben to offer to nominate himself. Let's face it pal, Ramsay called you out more than anybody else tonight. Plus, he's never really been a fan of you anyway. If you go up there at all you have to know there is a good chance you are going home. So, see ya!

Lingering Thoughts

Idolatry
I was glad to see Jason Castro go last night on American Idol, even though a part of me wishes it had been Syesha. If it had been Syesha, although that would have been slightly unfair to her since she sang far better than Castro, it would have pretty much assured the two Davids into the final. Plus, I think her comparing her "hardships" on American Idol to the struggles of the civil rights movement is just so... arrogant? Is that the right word? Hubristic, maybe... which according to dictionary.com is actually a word.

Chef-iness
On to Top Chef, after last week I was feeling more friendly towards Spike, but I have since swung back to my original position of "Shut up Spike." I had read on-line that Spike took time out of cooking last week to really take care of the kid he was working with when the kid cut their finger open. That was sweet. However, this week he's back to being the same old douche bag, so that was the end of that.

I still don't like Antonia. So, with all of your "experience" you "know" crispy chicken is a bad idea and you still let him do it? Basically, you are just setting him up to throw him under the bus if your team loses. Classy move there, chica. You seem like a talented enough chef, so if you could stop acting like such an asshole, I might be able to like you. But, then again, based on your behavior so far, probably not.

It was past time for Nikki to go. IMHO, the only reason she has lasted this long is because she has sucked, ever so slightly, less than everyone who was kicked off before her. You have a challenge where Italian (which is your specialty) is the main event and you don't take the lead? Spike and Lisa were ready to fall in line behind you and you just left everyone out to dry. You suck. I should have known when she was going on about their similar palettes that she was going down. Remember her specialty of mac-n-cheese anybody?

I can't hate Dale. Even though he is an arrogant, whiny baby who slams things around, I can't hate him. I sort of love the spectacle that is Dale.

That reminds me though, I miss Hung. Dale is no Hung, certified public asshole or not. I missed Hung during the relay race. I am coming to appreciate more and more the awesomeness that was Hung breaking down those chickens.

Yay Richard and Stephanie! I like Richard more and more as the weeks wear on. He's so adorably a food geek. But, (unlike Antonia) he shows a classy streak by giving the win to Stephanie because he admired her for putting it on the line and making a cake. The dude gives credit where credit is due, whether it is Stephanie or Dale.

Wait a minute! Richard is married? Huh? I wouldn't have guessed that he is married. Okay, I can roll with that I guess.

Top Four

American Idol

David Cook
1st performance - liked it, didn't love it
2nd performance - loved it... he's so my favorite. Yay DC.

Syesha
1st performance - very screamy. totally agreed with Simon
2nd performance - boring and yucky
She annoys me. Not. a. fan.
She'll probably get through to the next round because she cried. Stupid tears.

Jason Castro
1st performance - I'm not familiar with Bob Marley, so I wasn't offended by it like Simon and Randy.
2nd performance - didn't hate it, didn't love it. He totally forgot the words though... ha!

David A.
1st performance - I love Stand by me. I thought it was a good performance, but I didn't love the way he switched up the song.
2nd performance - He totally rocked this performance. Okay, whatever Archuleta love has been drained away over the last few weeks has been restored. Loved it!!!!!!!

Bottom two: Syesha and Jason Castro -- I will be surprised if it is one of the Davids. I will be surprised if one of the Davids doesn't win AI.

Hell's Kitchen

So, apparently Corey is a bitch and a slut. Even if she successfully "targets" Louross, what does she expect to get out of him? It's a cooking show. There are no secret plans or plots. There are no alliances, really. There is no information to get out of the boys. AND she made remark about Shayna's weight. Fuck off Corey.

Matt has the worst kind of bitch face.
Kudos to Bobby for stepping up to the plate to avert disaster. Wow. That maybe the first time the "four-star general" has actually lived up to his name and acted the leader.

Bye Shayna. I couldn't pick you out of a line-up as actually being on this show. Hope you enjoy life at home with your baby.

Idol's Kitchen

American Idol
What a weird show.
It felt really fast and hurried. I think Ryan Seacrest's head was about to explode trying to keep the show on track.

Paula is, literally I think, on crack.
She thought Jason Castro sang twice after the first round of songs? She was pre-reviewing his song?
Okay, whatever you say, lady.

Jason was solid, if (as Simon says) a little forgettable.
David Cook was just okay in the first song, but totally kicked the second songs ass. Loved it, loved it. Might download it... we'll see.
Brooke saved herself with the second song. I was cringing a little bit during the first one, almost hoping that she would get kicked off just so I wouldn't have to feel her pain next week. But the second song totally reminded me of why I like Brooke in the first place. Yay!
David A... listen I love this kid, but I don't think that this was his week. The thing is that he sang two very recognizable Neil Diamond songs, and he sang them pretty much the same way. With most other artists I wouldn't be able to say this, but I just didn't feel the richness in David's voice that I hear in Neil Diamond's. It just wasn't that great for me.
Syesha. Does anyone think that she is as great as she thinks she is? She has decent vocals, but is SO boring!

Hell's Kitchen

Roseann's dream is to ride in a helicopter? Dream big, sweetie! Seriously, there hasn't been an opportunity to ride in a helicopter in all your 33 years before now? That makes me sad... for you. Just for a moment though. I'm done now.
Plus, her tap-tap-tap-a-roo made me laugh. Ramsay is ruthless sometimes.

I was pretty neutral towards Ben in the beginning of the season, but methinks he is kind of a jackass.

The men are just kind of a mess.... ooh but so are the women.
I can't believe the women put up my girl Christina up for elimination! Bitches!
Every time I think the women are going to be able to pull it together and just whoop up on the men, they pull these moments of absolute bitchery.
She is not the worst cook in the women's kitchen, by a long shot.
I can't believe Jen is such a back-stabber. She is now officially on my list of women who suck on Hell's Kitchen... along with Cory (the annoying) and Rosanne (the whiny).

HK better hope that Christina doesn't go home soon, she's the only one I would go so far as to say I like thus far.