Bitch Face

What is it with chefs on cooking shows owning the worst bitch faces I have ever seen?
If we had an all star bitch face-off, I'm not sure who would win.


And in the right corner, we have Matt from Hell's Kitchen.
Bitch face in the morning.
Bitch face when he's whining.
Bitch face EVEN when he's happy.


And in left corner, we have Lisa from Top Chef.
Bitch face when she's angry.
Bitch face when she's happy.
Bitch face... oh wait. I don't think that's bitch face. I think that might just be her real face.


Let's wait a moment while the judges confer...
...
...

And we have an official announcement.
Well, this is sad. Lisa has been disqualified from this Bitch Face-off because in fact, her always face is a bitch face. Unfortunate... for her, and those of us who have to watch her... but sadly it means she may not, under the rules of the Confederation of the Bitch Face Society of America compete in this contest.

And so the win, for biggest reality cooking tv show bitch face goes to the only man left standing Matt.


On to Top Chef for this evening...


Review of last week... Spike calls Dale a bitch.
How annoying! Shut up, Spike!
What does Spike know about... oh, wait, I forgot about his "bromance" with Mark. Maybe he does know about bitches.
I withdraw my complaint.


Oh, yay! It's Sam.
I was unaccountably excited to see him guest-judge on the show, seeing as he wasn't really my favorite on Season 2. I'm not saying I didn't like him, but meh.


And they are going to make SALAD... woot?

Man, for all that Stephanie is able to whoop up in the Elimination Challenges (sometimes) she just cannot win the QuickFire challenges.


So, Sammy chose Spike to win, huh? Boo.
The salad looked good, but it was Spike, so boo.


Spike's "bonus" is that he gets 10 extra minutes at Whole Foods and whatever his main ingredients are, the others can't use them. So, being that Spike is a douchebag, he chooses ingredients that will screw the others over (rather than choosing ingredients that might make a good dish). But if he had chosen based on taste this show might be about cooking, rather than strategy and that just doesn't gel in Spike's itty-bitty brain.


And then, there's the cooking.

Spike is mocking Richard. Boo Spike. Yay Richard.
Don't hold everyone else to your standards Spike. We can't all be douchebags in hats.


It comes down to Stephanie and Dale in the top spots.
Yay for Stephanie being back on top.
I'm not sorry Dales there, but I have to say Dale's attitude the last few weeks has been wearing on me a little. Lighten up, dude. Smile, just once.
I mean you get to call bitch-face Lisa in to the losers room, can't you just be happy with that?


Ah, the losers.
Spike... have I mentioned boo already? I was kind of hoping his royal-tooliness would be sent home already. He argues with Tommy-boy about the combination of olives and grapes and actually says, "well, that's your opinion" It's all opinion dumbass. It's cooking. It's all subjective. That's why velveeta and lutefisk and other weird foodstuffs even exist, someone, somewhere thinks they taste good.

Lisa, ah bitch face... I can't even hear what she's saying her bitch face is so loud. I think she just threw Andrew under the bus though, he's giving her the laser eyes.

Andrew... sorry you had to go. I liked your intensity, in spite of the fact that you used the words culinary boner, together, in the same sentence. Yuck. I was hoping one of the other two would go away instead. Oh well.