Life is hard, and it never turns out quite the way you imagined.
The road seems so clear when you are a child.
You get older and follow a pre-specified path, first grade, second grade, etc.
There is right (get good grades, share your toys) and wrong (fighting with your sister, lying).
Somewhere along the way the trail tapers off.
You realize that you're not following a path anymore. You find that you are standing alone in the forest wondering where the hell the path went.
The line between right and wrong gets fuzzier. The gray areas grow larger. You start to miss the old black and white days.
You either stay at your current job or leave for another one.
You either stay with your spouse or strike out on your own.
You live in one community or another.
You drive one car versus another.
The decisions are no longer right or wrong, they are just different.
So, how do you decide?
In one way, it's sort of comforting.
No matter how badly you fuck up, you've never left the path, because it was always your own anyway.
In every other way, it's just confusing.
If you are the only one setting your path, how the hell do you know where to go?
Most of the time, I don't really think about it. I just do what I do and let the path determine itself. Although I'm not entirely sure that this is the best way to live, it is easier to be happy this way... I think.
Other times, I feel like I am drowning.
No matter what decision I make at any given point, there is always that one eternal question that looms above everything I say and do, "Where do we go from here?"
Could anybody lend me a map?
A Letter to My Rapist
3 years ago
5 comments:
I can't lend you a map, but I can become your sherpa. You can let me make all of your life decisions. I think they did it on Friends once and it was awesome. Let me know what you think.
Done and done.
Do I have to consult you about all my decisions or just the big ones?
Wow, you jumped right on board. My first decision for you already.
I figured each night you can email me a list of choices you have for the next day, that I can make for you. Once a week, we discuss major life choices. I will then be on standby for any urgent issues that may arise.
You know Natalie, my recent posts are a lot like this one. It makes me feel a little better knowing that people older than me still have no idea what the hell is going on sometimes, but at the same time - damn it, you're my big sister and you are supposed to be helpful!! hehe - love you! :)
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