Disease

It's been kind of a crappy day. My mom called to tell me that my grandfather has colon cancer.
She assured me that they found it super early, so although he's going to have to have surgery it's non-invasive and if it hasn't spread then he won't even need to have chemotherapy. The prognosis looks good, and I took it fine when she told me. But, as the evening wears on I feel worse and worse about it.

I wish I could do something for him. I wish that I could make this better in some way. I wish I could see him. When Pa started getting sick, I didn't really worry, I just kept believing that he would always get better. And he always did, until he finally didn't and I didn't get a chance to say good-bye. Hopefully, this situation won't be that serious, but being this far away it's hard to reassure myself of that.

I bought him a card. A fucking card will probably make him feel better about having cancer, right?

My sister maybe has MS. I don't know how to help her either.

Sorry... seems like a stupid thing to say.
Whatever you need... is an empty promise, since what could I really provide them anything they need.
I'm here for you... is true, but can really only make me feel better.

There is nothing I can say to make things better for them.
There is nothing I can do to make things better for them.
There is nothing I can do. Period.

All I can do is just stand around while they struggle.
I hate feeling helpless.

So, I guess instead of wishing for things I can't have, I'll have to deal with reality.
I'll hurt that they hurt and I'll shut the fuck up about it.
Because really, self-absorbed though I can be, I'm not enough of an asshole to make their illnesses about me.
The plan with Pop is to send him cards every week until he's through recovering from surgery.
A pathetic, lame plan at best, but it's the best I can do.
The plan with Sist-A is to treat her normally, until she says otherwise.
Also, a pathetic, lame plan, but also the best I figure out to do.