Now a Solution!

Too funny... which is good, because I think otherwise someone has to die. Hopefully, not me.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Mistress Quartergoddess

I'm wearing my vampy knee-high, high heeled, black leather boots today with a skirt.
I feel like I should have a whip and handcuffs and tell you our safe word is "bananas foster."
Shut up, you little puke.
That's Mistress Quartergoddess to you...

Fallout

Stay young as long as you can, kids.
Being a grown up blows.

I feel like I'm treading water. Black, deep, murky water.
I have no idea what the fuck to do.
Nobody seems to know what to do.
I'm out of my depth. So are you.
Let's hope neither of us drowns.

The Dow keeps plummeting.
People are losing their jobs.
People are losing their houses.
Personally, my 401K has a -17.1% rate of return at the moment. I have lost every dollar I have put into it this year, so far. Yet, I'm pretty sure I would still be considered one of the lucky ones.
It will probably get much, much worse before it gets better.
Will I have anything left when it starts to get better?
Thank God I'm only 28.
At least I have time to recover some savings before I'm of age to retire.

The bailout plan didn't pass.
Did I even want it to?
700 billion to bail out the greediest bastards that ever did walk this earth.
But, what are the consequences if we don't bail them out?
What are the consequences for the bastards if we do?

I hate to be pushy, but this would be a great time for *cough* someone *cough* to step up and be a leader. Prove to us that you are worthy of our faith and loyalty.
Prove that you are more than just pretty words and good ideas.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

Key Lime Pie

In the morning, around 10:30 I have a snack.
It's often yogurt.
Which is often French Vanilla flavored.
I know, I'm boring, but usually I don't want the drama of a bunch of fucking fruit in my yogurt.

This weekend when I was at the grocery store, I felt a little "wild and crazy" so I bought a Key Lime Pie yogurt instead of Vanilla.
It is delicious!

I don't know if my taste buds have gone wonky with the amount of fake sugar I eat, but it really does (kind of) taste like Key Lime Pie to me.

Yoplait. Light. Thick and Creamy. 100 calories and Fat Free! (The exclamation point is theirs not mine.) Key Lime Pie.
Try it.

You're welcome.

Congratulations!

My friend, Mandy, had her baby this morning.
Congratulations to Eric, Mandy and Trevor on the addition to their family!
Hopefully, we'll be able to get up to Stevens Point to meet little "Baby Zilla" (aka Sophia) very soon.
In the meantime, congratulations to our dear friends.
The husband and I are so happy for you!

Can you understand the words coming out of my mouth?

McCain doesn't think very highly of Barack Obama's intellect tonight.

He has used the phase, "I don't think Senator Obama understands..." at least twice tonight.
Way to be condescending, mother fucker.

ETA: He just did it again. Bastard.
ETA: Four times (at least). Son of a...

Did you know...

... that McCain was not elected Miss Congeniality?

Odd, I thought he was... oh that's right. It wasn't him it was his running mate.
My mistake.

He did what?!?

I just read this review of Jessica Simpson's latest concert.
(What? It was linked off perezhilton.com. So I'm a dirty, dirty pop culture whore... get over it.)

The concert was bad blah, blah, blah.
What I really enjoyed were some of the comments people made about the article.

Some favorites:
"First off Ted. As a Windsorite I'm very disappointed in this story. The fact that you are a reporter for Windsor Star does not give you the right to voice "YOUR PERSONAL" opinion on behalf of the rest of us. It was unfortunate that I wasnot able to attend the concert but have spoke to plenty of friends that did and heard it was awesome!"

Yes, I hate it when reviewers give me their "PERSONAL" opinion. I expect them to be objective and provide me with cold, hard scientific fact when relating whether it was a good concert or not. Ah, the wind is coming out of the west at 30 mph, must have been a good one.

"I would like to see how you can sing TED, I am sure you can't. As for her outfit, she looked HOT. It's too bad that Caesars brought someone one who sings very well and we get writers writing these awful words."

Mother fucking writers who write...

"This person is reporting on personal things not just the show. What happens in Texas is Texas. You go and see if they still feel the same today."

Which means Texas is what exactly?

"Also would like to comment on that fact you said her band was a "crack unit", do you want to explain what that is and explain it to my 10 year old son. The windsor star promotes children to read the paper for literacy and they write "CRACK UNIT"."

In case you aren't planning on reading the article, here is the context of his 'crack unit' comment:
"The seven-member band and two backup singers were a crack unit. She later acknowledged their contributions and, in one of the few classy moments of the show, left the stage so they could do an instrumental number."

What is the world coming to? When you find out could you explain it to her 10 year old son?

Craazy!!

PETA is so weird.
Honest to Pete, I get what they are saying as an organization and I even agree with some of it.
(I don't try not to buy products that were tested on animals.)
But, it seems to me that they are often more about grabbing attention in the headlines for themselves than about protecting animals.

Yeah, breast milk ice cream. That sounds just wonderful.
If Ben and Jerry's wanted to commit financial suicide, maybe they could consider doing that.

I'm sure they think they are PR savvy when they pull stunts like this, but honestly I think it hurts their cause more than it helps it.

Again, I'm sympathetic to their cause. But, even if I were to give up meat and leather tomorrow I wouldn't join PETA because they are crazy.
And I wouldn't join the crusade against cow's milk either. The husband's parents ran a dairy farm until very recently (when they passed it down to the husband's brother). I can't speak for all dairy farms, but the cows on this farm weren't mistreated or abused.
You might be able to convince me that a lot of things are wrong with the way we treat animals, but milking a cow? Probably not.

If PETAs end game involves recruiting a large number of zealots to their organization, but turning off everyone else who isn't interested in the crazy shit they pull, then job well done.
If their goal is actually to protect animals, then maybe they want to think about knocking it off with the stunts and spend their money where it will actually do some good.

Passion

Where has all the passion gone?
Long time passing.

Yesterday, on my way to get my hair salon, I passed a group of senior citizens holding up signs on the corner for Barack Obama.

The signs said stuff like "God Save America, Elect Barack Obama"
They were out there in their orthopedic shoes and old people wrap around shades fighting the good fight.

What happened to my generation? Why are we so lethargic?
It seems like nothing stirs us to action.
No matter how bad it gets, we seem able to turn a blind eye.
No matter what the impetus, we don't want to leave the safety of our couches.

Our parents protested. They had sit-ins. They marched on Washington.
They threw caution to the wind. They put more value on their beliefs than their personal safety.
They were outraged. They had passion.
Or maybe, they didn't.
I wasn't there, maybe history makes it look more widespread than it was.
But it seems as though some of them had passion at least.

I want that.
I want to feel passionate about something.
I want to feel moved to action.

I stopped by the Democratic Headquarters in Monroe today and bought an Obama sign for the yard. I talked to them about volunteering. If they have something for me to do that doesn't involve phone banking, I'm there. They seemed to believe they do.
It's not the complete package.
It's not the passion I'm looking for, but at the very least it's a step in the right direction.
Can you baby step towards passion?

I'm Awesome

I had my four year review today at work.
As it turns out, I'm awesome. A-W-E-S-O-M-E.

My boss, the Hammer (I'd explain the nickname, but you wouldn't think it's as funny as we do at work... it's a nerd thang, y'all), said he wouldn't trade me for anybody else. He said I am one of the top people in my role at the company.
Boo-yah!

Let's be clear, the Hammer does not hand out compliments lightly. In fact, usually not at all.
About once a year, I get a "nice job with that."
Today I got not just one, but two compliments!! AND they were pretty damn good compliments at that!

Plus, in the actual written review he said nice things about me there, too, but they were more task specific compliments and thus difficult for me to translate to you.
It was a little bit of a head rush.

Reviews make me nervous. I'm always afraid that I'm going to be blind-sided by something horrible, so it's always a relief when they go well.
It made for a pleasant interruption, but it's back to our regularly scheduled programming for me.

Dictionary

I caught a little bit of CNN at the gym tonight.
They were talking about Joe Biden and Sarah Palin. I only heard part of it, but they were saying one VP candidate talks too much and the other too little.
One of the pundits said (and this is an approximate quote), "Biden's going to have to refrain from being his normal congenital self."

Hmm... congenital? Really?

According to dictionary.com...
congenital
-adjective
1. of or pertaining to a condition present at birth, whether inherited or caused by the environment, esp. the uterine environment
2. having by nature a specified character

Now, I suppose he could have been referring to the Biden personality, conceived in the womb and then brought forth unto this earth. More likely, he meant to say congenial.

According to dictionary.com...
congenial
-adjective
1. agreeable, suitable, or pleasing in nature or character
2. suited or adapted in spirit, feeling, temper, etc.

D'oh! Don't worry CNN commentator guy. I misspeak all the time and people love to point it out. It's fucking annoying. So, sorry about this I guess, but you were kind of pompous so I don't really feel that bad about it.

Confession: It sounds all grown up to say that I was watching CNN at the gym, but in fact I only saw a couple of seconds while Lincoln Heights, which is what I was actually watching on ABC Family, was on commercial.

Oddest Drive By Comment

Today I went for a walk with Cash. (Joe was naughty, so she didn't get to go. Plus, she would have been a nightmare with all the Cheese Days goers.)

As we were walking down the street together, a dude leaned out his car window and shouted, "You stole that dog."

What?
Huh?
Alrighty, I guess.

Welcome Miao!

Meet Miao. The husband won him for me at Cheese Days. He's a seal with a sadly askew bow tie. Also, he meows instead of barking like other seals. He may or may not be from the Jiangsu coast in China.

Likes: Pickles and sunshine
Dislikes: People who talk on their cell phones at the gym

Well, another Cheese Days has come and gone. I didn't see anyone with a tail this year, but don't think that all my enjoyment of this event was contingent upon seeing someone wearing a tail, because it wasn't.

There was tons of good cheese for tasting. I bought a jalapeno Havarti and an aged Swiss... yum, yum, yum.

There was tons of good food in general. I had funnel cake for the first time. Mmmm... tastes like doughnuts. Ice cream, root beer, cheesecake on a stick, nachos, corn dogs, and corn on the cob. Sist-A in particular was lovin on the corn on the cob. Really loving on the corn cob. :) You wouldn't believe me even if I told you.

There was so, so much more. But, I think you might have needed to be there to really understand. Long live Cheese Days!

Color Coded

According to an article on MSN, my color preferences can help me determine my best career options.

Here are my results:

Best Occupational Category

You're a CREATOR

Key Words:Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional

These original types place a high value on aesthetic qualities and have a great need for self-expression. They enjoy working independently, being creative, using their imagination, and constantly learning something new. Fields of interest are art, drama, music, and writing or places where they can express, assemble, or implement creative ideas.

CREATOR OCCUPATIONS
Suggested careers are Advertising Executive, Architect, Web Designer, Creative Director, Public Relations, Fine or Commercial Artist, Interior Decorator, Lawyer, Librarian, Musician, Reporter, Art Teacher, Broadcaster, Technical Writer, English Teacher, Architect, Photographer, Medical Illustrator, Corporate Trainer, Author, Editor, Landscape Architect, Exhibit Builder, and Package Designer.

CREATOR WORKPLACES
Consider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature.

Suggested Creator workplaces are advertising, public relations, and interior decorating firms; artistic studios, theaters and concert halls; institutions that teach crafts, universities, music, and dance schools. Other workplaces to consider are art institutes, museums, libraries, and galleries.

2nd Best Occupational Category

You're an ORGANIZER

Key Words:Self-Control, Practical, Self-Contained, Orderly, Systematic, Precise, and Accurate

These conservative appearing, plotting-types enjoy organizing, data systems, accounting, detail, and accuracy. They often enjoy mathematics and data management activities such as accounting and investment management. Persistence and patience allows them to do detailed paperwork, operate office machines, write business reports, and make charts and graphs.

Not bad, actually. More accurate than I thought it would be. Although it does disturb me a little that these two things (Creator and Organizer) are skill sets I use in my current job. I teach a class for new employees about my role at the company, I always tell them what gets me off most about the job is the creative aspect. If it weren't there, I probably wouldn't still be with my company.

Here's the color test if you want to take it yourself: Color Test

A flutter

"Look there he goes
Isn't he dreamy?
Oh he's so cute.
Be still my heart
I'm hardly breathing
He's such a tall, dark, strong and handsome brute!"

I'm all a-flutter.
When I got the email saying that he was coming, my heart skipped a beat.
Who's my tall, dark, strong and handsome Romeo?
Dexter!

Season 2 (finally!!) came out on DVD and Season 2 Disk 1 is en route to my house from Netflix as I type. Season 1 was one of the best seasons of television that I have ever seen. I hope this doesn't mean my expectations for Season 2 are too high.

If you have already seen it, TELL ME NOTHING.
Seriously, I don't want to know if it's good or bad or ANYTHING.
If you spoil Dexter for me, I'm probably going to have to hurt you.
And that would be sad for you and me.
Mostly you.

Dexter, Dexter, Dexter...

That's Weak, Mr. Senator

This blog (or most of it) wasn't written by me. It was written by my dad. I've added some links to articles and comments in italics, but otherwise the wisdom you see here is his. Thanks D! Enjoy!

John needs to nap a little more.

As John McCain speaks out on more reform in Washington DC, he is now going to put in “new” regulations to protect us from the financial abuses that has led to the recent financial meltdown. The Senator is on top on his game. Here is a quote from a speech today (September 16, 2008):

“Americans put a lot of trust in the bankers and brokerage firms of Wall Street. They depend on the financial service sector to protect their savings, IRA's, 401k's, and pension accounts. But many leaders in finance have proven unworthy of that trust. Government has a clear responsibility to act in defense of the public interests, and that is exactly what I intend to do. We are going to make sure that American's accounts are protected. I pledge that FDIC and SPIC will have all the support they need to fully back the savings of the American people.”

(Here is a link to the rest of the speech)

A couple of problems here John.

1) It is SIPC not SPIC and either way they are NOT regulators they are INSURERS! Palin may not know what the Bush Doctrine is, but even she knows it is SIPC (I hope). BTW, he said SPIC in three different speeches today.

(Also, SPIC is an ethnic slur used for a person of Hispanic descent. Although I doubt McCain meant it that way, it makes the speech more interesting... AND I doubt if Palin knows what SIPC is.)

2) John, you have been in Washington for how many years? Were you not there when the regulations were taken apart? Isn’t Phil Gramm still one of your top advisors? You know the Phil Gramm that led the charge to remove most of the depression era Glass-Steagall Act regulations that were SPECIFICALLY designed to prevent the types of abuses we are experiencing now. Senators, how did you vote:

a. McCain – Yea
b. Biden - Nay
c. Feingold – Nay (Just had to throw a little bone to the fine Wisconsin Senator)

Scarily enough, McCain has hinted that Gramm might become the Treasury secretary if elected. Ewww!!

These two articles talk about McCain's flip-flop on the regulation of Wall Street:
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0308/9246.html
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26749280/

Also scary, this quote from John McCain in March, "I'm always for less regulation." AND "I'd like to see a lot of the unnecessary government regulations eliminated."

We are in SO much trouble if this man is elected!!

Psst! The password is "Sexist"

Ah! It's been a couple of hours so, of course, the McCain camp is at it again.

He's calling the SNL skit spoofing Sarah Palin (Tina Fey) and Hillary Clinton (Amy Poehler) "sexist."
Why is it sexist?
Because it shows women in a bad light?
Because it is generally derogatory or dismissive of women?
Because it implies in some way that women are fundamentally less than men?

No, because it makes Hillary Clinton seem substantive and Sarah Palin, by contrast, superficial.
Um, okay?

To quote Inigo Montoya, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means, what you think it means."

Being a woman doesn't equal political Teflon.
The fact that you have marked any criticism (real, implied or imagined) as "sexism", seems kind of sexist to me McCain.

I am a woman.
I can stand on my own two feet.
I am strong and opinionated.
I know sexism. I have seen it and experienced it.

McCain making a light-hearted skit out to be sexism diminishes it. Makes it seem less than it is.
Easy to do, when you've never had to deal with it.

I started out more astonished and amused, but the more I think about it, the more angry it makes me.
Words have power. The words you use mean something!

The sad thing is that it is really only the beginning. The McCain/Palin camp are going to beat us over the head with that word until it's coming out our eyeballs. Until anything could be sexism and nothing actually is.

Here's the clip, if you'd like to judge for yourself. But, in the end, I'm not sure sexism is in the eye of the beholder.

DE-lusional!

I don't understand the fervent McCain/Palin support in this country. I was reading an article about Sarah Palin's interview with Gibson. Half of the comments on the story started, "You dems..." or "The liberal media..."
Sigh.
I'm weary just reading the kind of vitriol and hate that went into the rest of those posts.

Please explain to me why you love these two. Please?
I can't for the life of me understand why you would love a man who just yesterday said that he still believes the fundamentals of our economy are strong. That's right yesterday. When the DOW fell 300 points. When Merrill Lynch sold itself for 1/2 of what it's worth. When the Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy. Remember that?

John McCain said, "The McCain-Palin administration will replace an outdated, patchwork quilt of regulatory oversight and bring transparency and accountability to Wall Street. We will have transparency and accountability and we will reform the regulatory bodies of government."

Um, haven't you been in Congress for like a billion years? Where have you been on transparency and accountability for the last billion years?

I keep trying to find logical reasons in what John McCain says other than he's just a big fat delusional liar. I like to believe that although I don't always agree with the opposition, that at least we both want our version of what's best for this country.
Maybe that was my own naivete, because I'm finding it harder and harder to believe.

Adieu

I used to use Downy's Lavender and Vanilla fabric softener. It smells so good!
But, no more.
Consider this my hug goodbye. I wish we could still be friends, but we can't.

Downy tests on animals, so I can't buy them anymore.
I bought Method's fabric softener that smells like "Fresh Air" instead.
I don't know if Target was just smelling especially fresh this afternoon, but it smelled like nothing to me.

This "no animal testing" products thing is hard.
EVERYTHING is tested on animals.
Even things you wouldn't think, like tampons. I do NOT want to know how or why they are testing tampons out on animals!!

On the bright side, Method products are also environmentally friendly in addition to being animal friendly. So, I get to be more green, too!
Woot woot!
Slowly, but surely I'll be a good global citizen. Or at least I'm going to try to be. We'll see if I ever get there.

Horrifying

Every time I think they can't horrify me any more...

This is from the blog of the husband of one of my coworkers:

Absolutely unbelievable

Typically, it's much easier to blame the victim of a crime, rather than the criminal, because the victim goes to police and the criminal hides. It's also incredibly and obviously wrong.

Alaska routinely has the nation's highest rate of sexual assault. To lower the reported numbers, one small Alaskan town had and idea - charge the victims between $300 to $1,200 to report the crime. This was to cover the costs of rape kits (sample containers, swabs and other medical supplies used to collect evidence from women after they are attacked) and the forensic exams. The goal was to push costs of law enforcement onto the victims, which would discourage victims from coming forward, thereby lowering the number of reported cases of sexual assault.

This action was taken by only one small town, and was so abhorrent to the rest of Alaska that, once word got out in 2000, Alaskan state legislators immediately passed a bill making this practice illegal.

That small town was Wasilla. That would be the tiny town left $12,000,000 in debt by the irresponsible deficit spending of their former mayor. The mayor that oversaw the implementation of the "charge the victims" scheme and runaway spending was Sarah Palin.Of course, the neocon viewpoint of reporting on facts would be: Stop picking on our poor, innocent candidates. Bringing up their past record is such dirty politics, that now we'll spread lies about your candidates.

Ouch!

Was that my hip or my pride?

Yesterday, I was out walking the big dogs when they suddenly lunged to the side and back of me. This caused me to spin, trip over their leashes and land hard on my left elbow and hip. It was dizzying and terrifying. I don't think I've fallen like that in all my adult life.

I was so fucking pissed at the dogs.

What were they so upset about?
A large, threatening pack of dogs?
A roving band of rabid cats?
Terrorists?

No, an elderly couple walking on THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET!!!

She was nice and asked me if I was okay.
He was kind of dick and laughed at me.
Whatever, grandpa...

I can't hold a grudge against my pups. They were so penitent on the rest of the way home. We passed a dog, kids playing in the street, a guy mowing his lawn and a couple who walked dangerously close to them and there was nary a peep from them. They walked docilely by my side.

This leads me to believe they can behave, they just don't want to.
Understandable. Me either.

Today, my hip hurts. It hasn't turned into a big old black bruise yet, but it will.
So, I have that going for me, which is nice.

The more you know...

The more I learn about McCain and Palin (like this, this and this, oh and this, too) the more they disturb me.

I think they are both fundamentally dishonest people.
Maybe it goes along with being in politics.

This election is making me crazy.
The hypocrisy is just so fucking rampant that it makes my blood pressure rise just thinking about it.

I hate Sarah Palin's "straight talk" because the more she speaks, the more she lies.
What is fucking wrong with the country?
We have just had 8 years with a douche bag who loves to tough talk with an accent and tell lies, Lies and MORE LIES!!

Are people just masochistic or what?

Who needs an economy?
Let's just continue to invest in the failed politics of the Republican party. It's like the over-the-top method of fighting World War I. They had to invent the fucking tank before they would stop sending soldiers "over-the-top" to be mowed down by machine guns.

Who needs the middle class?
In general, I don't support the idea that a political policy must benefit me to be something I support. Yet, there are scores and scores of people out there that vote Republican when their policies pretty much exclusively benefit the uber-rich.

Who cares about the environment?
Yes, let's stick our heads in the sand and willfully ignore the signs that we are destroying the only place we have to live. Let's drill the arctic... who really cares about endangered species and preserving nature? Let's drill offshore... who really cares about the consequences? I mean in 10 years we might see a 2% decrease in the price of oil. That's good enough, right?

Who cares about foreign policy?
Let's go to war with everyone. EVERY FUCKING ONE. It's really more important to make people feel important with bullshit tough talk than to work on actual solutions with crazy and foreign methods like diplomacy.

Did I mention that this election is making me crazy? C-R-A-Z-Y!!!

Hallmarks of the Day

I always feel weird on September 11th... and by always I mean for the last 7 years.
It's just like any other day, except it's not.
I feel like I should be doing something more respectful. Or I should be somehow commemorating the day in someway other than it being exactly like every other day.

I guess there's a case to be made that the best way to commemorate the day is to live it like any other, but I feel like that's kind of bullshit.

So, I guess for the foreseeable future, I'll just continue to remember and forget a thousand times a day.

But, the day isn't all bad memories and national disasters. Today is also my dad's birthday.
Happy Birthday D!
I hope you had a wonderful day! Love you!

Nice Guy

I'm sure this comes as no shock, but the husband is (or can be, would probably be more accurate) a nicer person that I am.

He agreed to share his birthday chocolate with me.

Hmmm, although come to think of it, he just stole my birthday chocolate. I actually asked. Maybe I am the nicer person.

Ha! Maybe...

Yay for chocolate though!

Real chocolate with real sugar.

Yum yum yum.

After months and months of "light" desserts, the real stuff can be kind of heady.

If I'm up blogging and bouncing off the walls at 2AM I'll be able to blame the husband, not that I wouldn't anyway.

Gymnastics Superstars

I got this ad in my email at work today.
I seriously considered going... is that sad?
Here's a recap of my consideration:
Ooooh! Nastia Liukin AND Shawn Johnson!
Maybe they really ARE friends in real life.
Shannon Miller and Blaine Wilson? Holy crap I can't believe those two are still alive, much less still doing gymnastics! Old school!!
Sasha Artemev, he was pretty rockin' on the pommel horse at the Olympics!
Ooooh! Jonathan Horton! I liked him at the Olympics!
Hmm... October 15th, I don't think the husband and I have anything going on then... maybe???

Oh wait, what does that say?
"The thrill and power of gymnastics performed to hits by top Disney artists?"

Um, okay, no.
Never mind.
I'm done.

I don't mind being a nerd. I work for a software company after all. But, in the end, we all have lines we just can't cross. Apparently, stuff set to "hits by top Disney artists" is mine.
The 13-year-old gymnastics fan girl in me is disappointed.
Oh well, I'm sure the husband just breathed a sigh of relief that we will not driving down to Illinois for gymnastics superstars.

It's a Sickness

Technology the bane, and apparently, the love of my life.
I went for 2 weeks without having a proper computer at home.

No, my Windows 98 Dell Web-PC circa 2000 doesn't count as a proper computer.

It was like death.
I felt unplugged and cut off from the world at large.
Other people could check their email or Facebook, but not me. (Or at least without doing it illicitly at work).

I found that when I did not have my computer to occupy me that life was pretty much the same.
I would love to say that I took up reading or finished that painting that's been sitting in my kitchen for almost 2 years in my spare time when the big green monster was out of commission, but that's would be a lie.
In fact, the only difference was where I sat on the sofa.

I'm drained.
Spending 2+ hours on the phone with Dell Technical Support is exhausting.
Did I run a marathon or just sit my ass on the phone?
I can't remember anymore.
It's all groggy.
I'm going to bed.

I'll see you when the haze clears.

We all have needs

When I was on my trek back from the middle of no where this weekend, I came across an interesting product being sold in the ladies bathroom.

No, it wasn't a feminine hygiene product, that might actually make sense.

It was a slim fit condom.
I'll pause while you giggle. I did because sometimes I think I'm secretly a 10-year-old trapped in a 28-year-old body.

Not slim fit as in the latex was ultra thin "for pleasure".
Slim fit as in the opposite of the Magnum XL.
Slim fit as in a normal condom is a wee bit too wide, I guess.

It's such a politically correct choice to offer this specific product. Too long we have ignored the needs of our thinly endowed brothers in favor of a one size fits all approach.
Ladies who are looking to get some with a man of "special needs" should have the option of picking up a condom in the bathroom of a gas station, too, just like anybody else.

Maybe someday I'll grow up, but I think even if that happens I'll still find this funny.

The Husband

It's the husband's 29th birthday today.
Happy Birthday, Honey!

Shortest. Wedding. Ever.

4.5 hours to the Twin Cities
$85 for a hotel room (that didn't have curtains that closed, so we got a steady stream of light into our hotel room ALL FREAKING NIGHT LONG!!)
3 hours to Maplewood Lutheran Church (which is the farthest place from anything I've ever been to)
1 cup of lemonade
4 types of cupcakes
3 hours back to the Twin Cities
4.5 hours back to Monroe
-------------------------
Add that all together and carry the 2.

You get...

A 2 hour event, that's including the wedding and the reception.
We literally squeezed every moment of wedding fun we could out of this event. They were breaking everything down as we were leaving.

It was more fun that I thought it would be, if you exclude all the driving time.

Holly looked gorgeous and there were some beautiful classic Chuck moments.

He read his vows so quickly and quietly that most of us couldn't even hear them with his eyes trained on the paper in front of him the entire time. (Holly totally busted him for not looking her in the eye during his vows, it was awesome!) Then his shoulders slumped over in a sigh of relief as soon as he was done talking.

I had the hardest time not giggling like crazy once he was done. Chuck has not changed a drop since I last saw him.

Congratulations the happy couple. Best wishes and I adore the two of you.

One last word of advice: I know you two hate being the center of attention, but the next time you plan on making me drive 15+ hours, how about holding an event that lasts longer than 2? I may attend anyway, but if it's not your wedding I'll definitely be giving you shit about it.

Heading out to nowhere

The husband and I are heading up to Minnesota tonight for my friends wedding.
We are just going half way tonight and we are going to spend the night in the Twin Cities.
Sigh.
I really hope that the TC is more than half-way, but I suspect it's not.
I suspect it will be even longer from the TC to the middle of nothingness where this wedding is taking place.

I love Holly and Chuck (the bride and groom). I lived with them for a while in college. Chuck is one of those guys. He's really quiet, but if you listen to what he says, most of it is sassy and incredibly funny. Holly is a gem. I haven't really kept up with them since college, so it will be really great to see them again...

... if only it weren't in the middle of nowhere, MN.

I would love to blame my reluctance to take this trip on my city of residence, which is about a 45 minute drive from my city of employment. I would love to pretend that otherwise, I'd be totally down with going to this wedding, if only it weren't 10,000 hours away!

I am self aware enough to realize, that the truth is 1/4 part selfishness, 1/4 routine and 1/2 laziness.

I don't want to go and break my routine (aka going to the gym as it is my main "routine") and drive a million miles in the car and waste the entire weekend.

But, guess what? We're going to this shindig.
Why?
Because I love Chuck and Holly enough to drive a million miles, waste the weekend (even when I know I'll only get to see them for a few minutes, and we won't really be able to catch up) and break my routine and go through the hassle of boarding the dogs and get over myself just that little bit.

Having people around who matter to you is a royal pain in the ass.

McCain

I feel bad. I didn't watch much of his speech tonight and supposedly I care about this stuff.
I watched for a few minutes, but I kept screaming "Liar" at the tv Carol Kane style ala Princess Bride.
My blood pressure started rising and I was muttering under my breath.
So, I gave up and watched Kitchen Nightmares instead.
Man that Gordon Ramsey is something.
He loves to curse more than I do, which is really saying something.
Other people get to zen watching puppies or rainbows or some crap like that. Me? Watching Gordon Ramsey curse is like taking a breath of fresh air.

McCain who?

Double Standards

Jon Stewart is awesome.
That is beautiful. Hypocrisy in this age of media seems so dangerous, yet so rampant.



P.S. Thanks D

Sarah Palin, Glib and Predictable

I watched Sarah Palin, running mate of Republican John McCain in this election, give her speech at the RNC tonight.

She's quite a glib young lady. A snarky comment at every turn. If it were any other platform, she might be a girl after my own heart. This is how you unite our country? You try to pull people from across the aisle with your glib, snarky comments? It's so juvenile and how does it have a place in rational, adult discourse? It doesn't, unless you are pandering to the lowest common denominator.

She certainly pressed most of the Republican buttons on the podium...
... blah, blah "small government"
... blah, blah evil tax and spend Democrats
... blah, blah victory in Iraq
... blah, blah the real workers in America

Sigh. But, what did she really say?

(I think she seriously tried to convince me that if you are suspected of terrorism that you don't need to be read your rights... or perhaps even that they don't have any rights, who can tell? I guess you are innocent until proven guilty, unless charged with terrorism then you are just guilty by taint of accusation)

She introduced her family.
So what?
She talked about her son going to war.
So what?
(I will conceed she has a very good looking family. Congratulations, but so what?)
She introduced her parents.
So what?
She did a lot of talking about Alaska.
So fucking what?

(This is the point at which the husband got annoyed with me for continuing to ask "So fucking what?" every time she paused. His response, "Why do you keep asking me?")

What do you stand for Sarah Palin?

Palin is a virtual unknown to the political arena. I tuned in to find out more about her. Who is she? What does she stand for?

I didn't find anything out by listening to her speak that I didn't already know. That's disappointing, but not unexpected. No one can really bash what you say, if you don't really say anything of import.

A few random thoughts to wrap up:

We watched on ABC where the camera kept cutting away to Fake-bake Barbie and the Crypt Keeper... no wait, I think they were John McCain's wife and mother.
(I know it's mean, but seriously, they were kind of scaring me)

Also, did you see McCain walk out after her speech. I know everyone jokes about how old he is, but OMG did you see him? He's so OLD!! I wanted to grab a walker and a shawl and make sure he got back to "his chair" for "his programs."

I liked how they showed about 10 shots of her daughter licking her hand to mat down the hair of baby Trig. That was kind of awesome.

Throwing a Tantrum

I am throwing a (mostly mental) tantrum right now.

To my non-techie friends, you'll have to forgive me this rant.

There has been no new compile for 24 HOURS now!
NO new compile!
And I (like an idiot) took the last broken compile.

I have been bouncing off the walls of my cubicle all day, compulsively checking the compile installer to see if it has updated. We broke backwards compatibility last night, so the new compile make take days. DAYS!

I may go crazy before then.

I have stuff to work on... plenty to work on thank you very much... but I don't want to work on any of that stuff. I want to start testing, which I can't do until there is a new compile.

On the bright side, I may have this project I don't want to work on well in hand by the time the new compile comes around.

Stupid fucking bright side...

Running it Out

Tonight was a pretty good night at the gym, which was nice for a change.
My right knee has been really tight when I run lately. It's taken around 7 minutes for it to loosen up. Boo.

It really hurts, so I'm actually going to up that one to a Double Boo.

I wonder if it was the time I took to try to carefully stretch out my knee before going to the gym that did the trick? Or maybe it was the four ibuprofen I took?

Well, Naturally!

For a few days Internet rumors have been circulating about Sarah Palin's most recent pregnancy.

Her daughter was suspiciously absent from school for mono for over 5 months.
Even though preggo, she still drank caffeine and went running in the morning.
Etc...

The gist of it being that perhaps in a very Desperate Housewives-esque move, Palin was covering for her eldest daughter's teen pregnancy by pretending to be preggo herself and then raising the baby.

Today, I read an article on MSN (that remained on the front page for a mysteriously brief period of time), that refuted these claims.

Palin has released an announcement, that of course her daughter couldn't have been secretly pregnant before, because the kiddo's actually pregnant now.

Well... naturally.

If I were her daughter, I would be so pissed she was accepting the VP nod. Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't want to be the endlessly debated poster girl for teen pregnancy.

Good luck spinning this to your advantage, Grandma!